Reevaluating

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing some reevaluating.  I’ve been reevaluating and trying to make sure that I’m still heading where I should be heading in life.  During my two years in graduate school at Loyola I was blessed with the time and many opportunities to discern my purpose and calling in life.  At the time it seemed difficult to figure out what my calling is, but now I see that this was the easy part.  The difficult part is to actually live out this calling, my mission statement, and to constantly reevaluate if I am properly following that calling or if I need to even refigure my mission statement.

Here’s what I understand my calling to be: To educate people about injustice in the world and then to encourage, empower, and enable people to actually DO something to address that injustice.

A couple of things made me see the need to reevaluate things.

First thing: A friend of mine is quitting her job and traveling to the other side of the world for a couple of months.  She is going on this trip for herself, to try to find what it is that God has called her to do, and to be the person she is meant to be without all the pressures and expectations of others.  I am so incredibly excited for my friend and the adventures and experiences she will have (even though I am going to miss her a whole lot).  I really admire her courage to quit her job, leave her family for a couple of months, and take the time and space she needs.

My friend knows her current job is not what God has called her to do for the rest of her life and so she is taking a step of faith to hopefully find her calling.  I pray that she will gain some insight and answers while she is on this trip, but even if she doesn’t figure it all out on her trip, I know she is going to stop at nothing to live out a life of purpose and a life of serving others according to God’s will. 

My friend refused to become complacent and she refused to just go along and work at a job that she knows is not what God intended for her long-term.  My friend’s courage and refusal to become complacent was a bit of a reminder to me that I need to make sure that I’m heading in the right direction in life.  I don’t think I need to go to the other side of the world to do some reevaluation (I’m sure my mom is pretty happy about this), but I nevertheless do need to evaluate.

The second thing that made me see the need to reevaluate where I’m heading in life is starting my new job as the communications coordinator at my church.  Just having a second job has made life more complex, busy, and tiring.  I am incredibly grateful that I was offered this position, and things are going quite well so far.  It’s been great working with the staff, learning new things, and seeing some exciting new things fall into place.  But I know this is not a job I want to have for the rest of my life.  (And now I feel really bad about wondering how long I should stay with a job that I have just started, especially when there are so many people out there who are in need of a job.)  I am becoming more and more invested in this job, I’m finding parts of this job that really make me excited, and I’m seeing just how vital my work is for the proper functioning of the church.

Likewise, I know that I’m not called to be a Team Leader at Feed My Starving Children for the rest of my life.  Let me say this though: I LOVE my job at Feed My Starving Children.  I love my coworkers, I love working with the volunteers, and I love that I get to be a part of feeding hundreds of thousands of starving children around the world.  Through my job I know I am fulfilling part of my calling.

Here’s my fear though: I worry that I will get so caught up in what I love and am comfortable doing at these jobs, that I will stay too long, that I will put off living out my full calling.  And so I have questioned…How long is too long to be doing something that you know is not what you are called to do long-term?  How long can I work at a job that I’ve become comfortable with simply because I fear what God calls me to next?  Have I made the right decisions?  Shouldn’t I be seeking out other more “practical” opportunities like a full-time job with benefits?  Shouldn’t I keep looking for a job that will allow me to better live out my calling?  Is it a bad sign that I have to justify all this to myself and to others?

So over the past few weeks, I’ve done some thinking and praying (a lot of praying actually). 

And here’s what I know:  At this point I can’t stand the thought of leaving Feed My Starving Children.  I enjoy my job, I find it fulfilling, and for the time being I think this is where God has called me to be.  Likewise, I can’t see myself leaving the communications post at my church any time soon.

For right now, I am where I’m called to be and I’m doing what I’m called to be doing. 

Through all this, God is working.  God is preparing me, forming me, training me, strengthening me, and teaching me…for what exactly I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s something great.