As I prepared to go to Haiti I was considerably worried that
God might use this experience to ask me to do something new, big, and scary
(like move to Haiti and be a missionary or adopt a few Haitian children). I’ve prayed some pretty bold prayers over the
past year or so and God had started to provide some bold answers to my prayers. And I was scared the rest of the answers
would be in a form that required me to step way out of my comfort zone.
While I was in Haiti and in the few weeks I’ve been back
from Haiti, God has provided me with undeniable peace and reassurance that I am
doing what I’m supposed to be doing in this season of my life. No need to buy a one-way plane ticket to Haiti
and start learning Creole. Whew.
BUT, I’m not off the hook that easily.
God often does ask us to do things, but I have come to
understand that God is much more concerned about who we are rather than what we
do. What we do will please God if we are
the people God wants us to be. Our actions
follow from who we are.
God didn’t ask me to make a radical life change and do
something different, but God did use my experience in Haiti to start to
teach me to be someone different: someone who more fully recognizes and rests
in God’s unceasing presence.
I have problem with control.
I wish I could control every detail of my life and have every last
detail planned out, and boy do I try. As
you might guess, trying to control every aspect of my life doesn’t work out
very well for me because life just doesn’t work that way. I’m often left grasping, worried, anxious,
and frustrated.
But God has something better in mind for me, and God is
using my experience in Haiti to help me become more like the person God
intended me to be.
Since I returned from Haiti, I have been overwhelmed (in a
good way) by all the places, situations, and people I have seen God’s abundant
hope, grace, and love. Almost literally
everywhere I turn, in every circumstance, in so many of my interactions with
other people I have been overwhelmed by seeing and being aware of God’s
presence. I’ve seen God working out the
details. I’ve seen God transforming
people. I’ve seen God taking care of the
minor and the major issues.
Maybe it was because of all the evil, death, and desperation
I saw in Haiti that I HAD to look for God to have something to hold on to so
that I didn’t lose all faith and hope in God.
In a place where living conditions are so bad you think God wouldn’t and couldn’t be present,
God was indeed present when I looked. Something
“clicked” through my intentional act of looking in Haiti that has allowed me to
better notice God in every person, every situation, every part of
Creation.
As my awareness of God’s presence has grown, something
shifted in me: I’m not bothered that I can’t control everything. God is here and God is moving in powerful
ways. I’m just along for the ride. Recognizing this has allowed me to rest and
trust in God’s presence.
And it is so good.
