The story that doesn't end where you think it might.

In my last post I told you about my struggles with being home after my most recent trip to El Salvador.  Despite all the difficulties- I do have hope, I have faith that one day there will be justice in El Salvador and all over the world. 

This year I have really found renewal and growth during the season of Lent.  In past years, I have never really looked forward to or enjoyed Lent- it leads up to Jesus’ death- how depressing is that?  But this year I have been doing a lot of reflecting on Jesus' death and what led up to his death.  It seems a little strange that every year Christians insist on retelling the story of Jesus' violent death.  Why do we submit ourselves to hearing and telling such a sad, depressing story?  This story reminds me of my own responsibility for Jesus' death on the cross, the story reminds me of the brokenness of the world- the sin and injustice that necessitated Jesus' death.  I am reminded of the suffering that Jesus took upon himself, and I am reminded of the suffering that continues today in the world.  

But I've come to realize that it is indeed a very good thing that we retell this story every year, because the story doesn’t end here when Jesus died on the cross.  One might think that Jesus’ death would be the end of the story, because usually death is the end of a story.  However, it is good that we keep retelling this story because every time we tell or hear the story of the crucifixion, we can anticipate the next part of the story- Jesus’ resurrection.    

When Jesus died on the cross, Jesus took on all the violence and the suffering and the evil of the world.  He accepted, he absorbed, these things so that we would not have to.  We have to tell the story of the crucifixion because the resurrection means nothing without the crucifixion.  When Jesus rose from the dead on the third day, he had overcome all the violence and suffering that he took on.

In his death and resurrection, Jesus began the work of renewing the world- he started getting rid of the old and bringing in the new.  He began the process of restoring the world to what God intended for the world- a world of justice, a world where neighbors love each other, a world of peace.  Jesus began this work of restoration even before his death.  During his three years of ministry Jesus taught his followers that the two most important things were to love God and to love our neighbors (anyone in need).  And more importantly Jesus often cared for and loved other people by providing for their physical, emotions, and spiritual needs.    

Jesus began the work of restoring all of Creation with his resurrection and this might be a good happy ending for this story, but the story doesn’t end here.  He didn't just leave things on earth to fester.  No, Jesus had a plan that he was working out when he started finding and building up his disciples.  Jesus planned for his followers to carry on his work, his ministry.  Jesus gave each and every one of us the responsibility of continuing the work that he started.  We humans have no power of our own to restore Creation, to bring about the Reign of God, but God does most certainly work through us to bring about that restoration.  

This is a huge and overwhelming responsibility that we have been given, to work to announce the coming of the Reign of God.  I have seen only some of the so many things that have to change, and this has often made me want to give up in utter despair.   

But knowing that Jesus left me work to do is also very empowering and exciting.  We do have the ability and the gifts needed to be Jesus' hands and feet.  God gave us all what we need to continue Jesus’ ministry of loving and caring for all people- especially those who society ignores and rejects.

Easter reminds us that violence, death, and injustice will not have the final word.  Violence, death, and injustice put Jesus into the tomb that first Good Friday, but God’s love had the power to overcome all that.  Love, grace, and justice will one day prevail.

So, there is indeed hope.  Hope is found in the fact that you and I can do something right now and tomorrow and the next day to bring about a more just world.  We won't be able to solve all the world's problems, but the story doesn’t end here.  And realizing that the story doesn’t end here is where we find the greatest hope of all- hope in the fact that one day God will restore everything and there will be complete justice.  We don't know when that one day will come, but until then we have the responsibility to do whatever we can to love all, extend grace, and establish justice.  Nothing we do will be even close to complete, but in small (yet often very significant) ways we can do something.  Doing nothing is not an option.

Perhaps my Salvadoran friends will not live to see the day when there will be justice, but God willing their children will live in a more just world and with each new generation there might be more justice.  While I won’t be able to solve the problems in El Salvador there are things (however small) that I can do to take steps toward justice.  And one day when God comes to establish the Reign of God on earth there will be justice for my Salvadoran friends and for all people.  This is what gives me hope- the future and God's promise that life will overcome death, that justice will prevail. 

This brings me to my favorite poem/prayer that I have often turned to for guidance and reassurance.  It’s called Prophets of a Future Not Our Own, and you can find it here.

Happy Easter!!!  May you find hope in this Easter day and may you find hope in God’s promise to His people that one day “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning of crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

Life Goes On

I've been working on writing this post essentially since I got home, but I have held off finishing and posting it until now for a couple of reasons.  The transition back home from El Salvador was rough, but I am feeling more adjusted after a couple of weeks.  I waited to post this so that my emotions could calm down a little- I didn’t want to post something that I would later regret.  I also waited because I knew that the stress and exhaustion I felt when I got home were affecting me negatively.  There are still some raw emotions here, but I hope that’s ok. 

First, let me say that I was and continue to be so glad to be home with my family with all the comforts of home (especially clean water I can drink from the tap).

But being home has been difficult.  It was such a quick and busy trip in El Salvador and coming home was so abrupt.  I felt like I was plopped into El Salvador, yanked out, and then plopped right back home.  I think part of the difficulty has been due to being physically exhausted and then having to get right back into the craziness of the month before I graduate from graduate school.  But the difficulty of being home has been more on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level than on a physical level.  

Many people experience culture shock when they visit a place where the culture is different from their own culture.  The culture and life in El Salvador, as you might imagine, is quite different from life in the U.S., especially life in suburbia.  Coming back home has been like reverse culture shock.  I didn't really have time to prepare myself to come back home.  It was all very quick and unsettling in a way.

Life went on while I was away, as I expected it would.

I went away for a week to what seemed like a completely different world- a world where there is poverty everywhere, a world where there are still deep wounds from a brutal civil war, a world where injustice is the rule and not the exception.   

The poverty and suffering and desperation that I saw people experiencing in El Salvador affected me deeply- this trip as well as in the past two times I visited El Salvador.  And especially after this trip it has been difficult to be around other people whom I love and care for when they don't understand and haven’t experienced what has so deeply affected me.

My family and friends didn't hear the Salvadoran pastor talking about how members of his congregation don't even have the basic necessities- food, water, decent housing.  They didn’t see the children at the homeless shelter who were desperate for food.  They didn’t see the squalor that many people live in.  They didn't see the precious, malnourished boy with his dirty clothes and bare feet.  They didn't see the people who are desperate for help.     

Since I have been home these past couple of weeks I have often had this desire to just make everyone stop what they are doing.  To stop their senseless buying and consuming.  To stop watching senseless TV.  To stop being so concerned about what's going on on Facebook.  To stop worrying about how their sports teams are doing.  It all seems so shallow, so superficial, so unimportant after all I saw and experienced in El Salvador.

I have wanted to just make people stop whatever they are doing and tell them: The world is in crisis. There is extreme poverty.  People are sick.  People are suffering.  People are dying.    

I have felt angry and frustrated that others don't seem to care enough to go to El Salvador to see and to understand what is happening there and in so many other places in the world.  Why don't people care enough to go to El Salvador and help?  How can they just go about their lives when there are people suffering and dying?  Why aren’t people doing anything to help?  I just cannot get past the thought that "if only they would go and visit El Salvador, they would understand and be moved to do something."

In a way I have been blessed and privileged to be able to learn about and experience the reality of poverty.  I have a better understanding of the world around me and how my actions impact other people thousands of miles away.  I understand the state of injustice in the world (but by no means do I understand it completely).  But this knowledge and the experience I have is also a disadvantage.  It is a disadvantage because I have to deal with the pain of knowing about the injustice in the world, but also because there are so many people around me who don’t have this pain and knowledge, people who don't "get it".

All this has left me with a heavy burden to make others see what I have seen, to experience what I have experienced, to meet the Salvadorans I have met, to open eyes to things that my eyes have been opened to, and to allow hearts to break as mine has been broken.  I feel such a heavy burden to help the Salvadorans I met, and I know that I cannot help them on my own.  So this leaves me with even more of a burden to make others have the same passion I have so that they can help me help the Salvadorans.

Don’t get me wrong- you are all wonderful loving people, I’m not accusing anyone of being heartless.  I know that most people do in fact care deeply about other people and the world.  I know that many people have an issue or a group of people that they care deeply about- not everyone is called to be passionate about El Salvador.  My family, friends, and church family do indeed care and do indeed want to make the world a better place, I just don’t see the sense of urgency that I think is warranted after my trip.

I have felt frustrated and saddened by the seemingly lack of concern or care from other people but I have also been frustrated and saddened by my own life and my own response to what I experienced in El Salvador.  On the one hand I feel guilt - I feel guilty for all the "stuff" that is cluttering my room, for all the food that is in my pantry and fridge, for all the clothes I have, for the wonderful health care that I have access to, for the beautiful big house and the safe neighborhood that I live in.  Why do I have so much stuff when so many Salvadorans have so little?  How can I keep living like I’m living when there are people suffering and dying because of injustice in the world? 

I also keep telling myself that I personally need to be doing more to help the Salvadorans I met.  I’m not doing enough- there will always be more that I could be doing.  It is so overwhelming trying to figure out what to do and actually doing it is even more overwhelming and difficult.  And in all this I’m still trying to discern how God is calling me to respond.  Why did God call me to go to El Salvador?  Why is God calling me to go back?  What role am I supposed to be playing in bringing about God’s justice in El Salvador?  I worry about not living up to what I am supposed to be doing.  But then I’m afraid of what it is going to cost me if and when I do live up to what I’m supposed to be doing.

All this that has been going through my mind isn’t exactly bringing me peace.  But this isn’t the end of the story.  I do have hope, but you are going to have to wait until my next post to hear about it.  

The Salvadoran Military Museum

I mentioned in a previous post that Julie and I went to the Salvadoran Military Museum and I promised that I would tell you more about that.  So here's a little about the museum and my thoughts on that museum.  

We went because Julie and I were looking for new places to go and the Military Museum was in the guide book, so we decided to go one afternoon.  We went with our excellent friend and chauffeur, Cesar, and two young Salvadoran boys.  The museum was at what appeared to be some sort of military base and a training facility perhaps.

The museum had a series of rooms (maybe 10 or so) and each room represented a different time beginning in the colonial period through today.  It was essentially just displays of weapons, uniforms, some pictures, and various military equipment.  There wasn't a whole lot of information, most of the pieces in the displays had a little information- what it was, when it was used, and where it was made.

There were a couple of rooms for the Salvadoran civil war, a room for the Peace Accords that were signed to end the civil war, a room about the Salvadoran military involvement in Iraq, a room about the UN, and a room about the process of keeping the "peace" since the end of the civil war.  There were some tanks out front, a couple small planes, and some helicopters.  The coolest and most random thing at the museum was probably the "Pope Mobile" that was used when the pope visited El Salvador some years back.  

Some of the many guns- these were from the civil war

The "Pope mobile" 

A few things really stuck out as we were at the museum.  The first was that about 75% of the weapons were made in the U.S.  To me this means a couple of things.  One, it means that the U.S. likes to sell or provide weapons to El Salvador- they are good friends like that.  Two, a lot of weapons and military equipment are made in the U.S.  I'll let you draw your own further conclusions.    

Another thing that struck me was how much this museum was such a tribute to war, violence, and the things that are used to kill people.  It was really eerie walking around looking at all the guns and other equipment that had been used to kill people.  Here all this stuff was displayed in a way that told the story of history based solely on the weapons being used and the conflicts/wars the weapons were being used in.  Granted it was a military museum, but it bothers me that this museum (and many other museums, history classes, textbooks, etc., etc.) framed history based on violence.  Maybe I'm a little biased, being the pacifist that I am, but it seems that it might be nice to frame the story of our past in a better way than around wars.  War is so glorified far too often.      

I was really hoping learn more at the museum.  I don't know if they don't have the resources or the desire to add more information or explanation to the displays in the museum.  It's really up to the visitor to the museum to draw conclusions- or maybe the people who put together the museum think that the message should be obvious to the visitor and no explanation is needed.  I was really interested to see how the museum would explain or portray the civil war, but I wasn't really able to glean much information which was a real disappointment.

A huge part of the story was left out of this museum.  We saw the weapons.  In a few rooms there was a focus on a particular military leader who had been an especially important or brave leader.  What we did not see was the effect of the weapons.  We did not see the injury, the blood, the death, the suffering, the pain, the loss, the devastation caused by those weapons that were so proudly displayed.  We did not see the story of the victims.  The stories of the victims of violence in El Salvador and all over the world are the stories that we so desperately need to hear.  

Outside of the museum there was a huge 3-D topographical map of El Salvador.  It was really neat to see El Salvador portrayed this way.  I'm slowly struggling to learn El Salvador geography.  In all my travels around the country I try to pay attention to directions, but I still don't have a real good conception of where things and places are located in the country.  It's the mountains that make it so difficult to travel around and to get a good understanding of the geography.  Seeing this topographical map helped me to have a better idea of just how many mountains/volcanos there are and just how big they are!  

The brownish-beighish spots are little houses/buildings where there are cities!

A very delayed account of my last day in El Salvador

I apologize for not posting when I got home.  Julie and I did indeed make it home safe and sound.  I was exhausted when I got home and I had to jump right back into school and church responsibilities.  I would have much rather written a blog post instead of writing my economic philosophy paper among other things I had to do, but homework had to come first.  As Julie said, too bad blogging isn't my homework.  The good news is that I'm all caught up on my schoolwork, so now I get to blog!

Our last day in El Salvador was for me the most important, the most intense, and the most emotional.  Julie and I went with two of my favorite Salvadorans, Cesar and Mari, to the eastern department of La Union.  It should have been about a 4 hour drive, but with Cesar's expert driving skills we made it there in 3.5 hours and made it home in even less time.  When Julie and I were in El Salvador last summer we had the opportunity to visit the communities of Pastor Alejandro.  See my post about that visit.

Pastor Alejandro is the pastor of three little communities that make up the church congregation Santa Andrea.  The people living in these communities are extremely poor.  They live on the bank of a river which leaves them vulnerable to floods during the rainy season (May- November).  They struggle to have enough food, the children are visibly small for their age because they are malnourished, they do not have access to clean water, not all the children are able to go to school, they don't have access to health care, they have no transportation, few people have jobs.  Both last summer and in this visit it was clear that the people in this community lack so much and need so much.

When Julie and I first met Pastor Alejandro and visited these communities last July, we just went to see a part of El Salvador we had never seen.  We had no idea that we would be visiting a community that so desperately needs help, but once we were there we both knew that we had to do something.  This church community does not have a sister church while many other Salvadoran Lutheran churches do have the support of sister churches in the U.S. or other developed nations.  My church does not have a sister church.  So as Julie and I talked about how we might help Pastor Alejandro's congregation, it just made sense to explore the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership between my church and Pastor Alejandro's congregation.  

So, over the past months I've been talking about El Salvador at my church, I've talked about Pastor Alejandro and his congregation,  I've talked about the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership, and I'm trying to gather a group of people from my congregation to travel to El Salvador this summer.  The first big step in the process of exploring the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership is for a group of people from my church to go and learn about El Salvador, visit Pastor Alejandro's congregation, and then come back home and report to the rest of my congregation.  Then we'll all have conversations about if we think we should continue in the process of forming a sister church partnership.  The main reason why Julie and I went to visit Pastor Alejandro and his congregation last week was to do some planning for when I (hopefully) bring a group from my church this summer.

When we arrived in La Union, we met up with Pastor Alejandro and his brother who helps him with the pastoral work.  We went to the community of El Rincon where most of the people in Pastor Alejandro's congregation live.  At first there were only a few people gathered.  There was a table set up as an altar and some chairs circled around outside a community member's house.  Slowly more people began to come.  Almost everyone who came greeted Julie and I with at least a handshake- most people gave us a hug.  There were some pretty cute kids- some of them were shy and were reluctant to greet the strange looking white visitors.  Everyone was genuinely kind and graciously welcomed us.  Eventually there were about 40 people or so gathered.  Pastor Alejandro said a few words, Julie and I said a few words, a few people from the community spoke, Pastor Alejandro and his brother preached a little, and we sang a few songs.  We took a bunch of pictures of the all the people, especially the cute kids.  Then we said good-bye to everyone.

Pastor Alejandro (in the back) and his brother (in front)

The cutest little boy!

We then went to look at some hotels where the group could potentially stay this summer.  We thankfully found a couple of good options (and one that wasn't a very good option).  We saw the ocean and the city of La Union.  We then went to Pastor Alejandro's house.  He has a nice little humble house.  He is working on building a little room next to his house that he will use for Bible studies, Sunday School, and maybe even church services.  His congregation doesn't really have any other place to meet.  The room is mostly done, it just needs a floor.  Pastor Alejandro's wife made us lunch, we ate in a patio area, and then some more people came to visit.  It was so nice to see all the people that Pastor Alejandro ministers to- they are truly lovely, beautiful, caring, compassionate, faithful people.  Our time with Pastor Alejandro quickly came to an end- we had to head back to the capital.

I really hope and pray that the next time I return to visit Pastor Alejandro and his congregation that I will be able to bring with me other people from my church so that God willing we can begin the process of forming a sister church partnership.  The people in Pastor Alejandro's congregation and I really want this to happen- God willing.