Lance Armstrong was my hero.
I hung posters of Lance on my walls. I read and reread the two books he
wrote. I wore a LIVESTRONG bracelet for a few years.
Lance’s love for the sport of cycling was contagious and I fell in love
with cycling and still love getting on my bike.
I spent hours and hours watching the Tour de France every morning for
three weeks each summer for a few years.
I watched to see Lance win and continue the story of his triumph over
hardship and cancer. And when I was
looking to buy a new bike, Trek will be happy to know that my purchase of a
Trek road bike was highly influenced by the fact that Lance road a Trek (and I
even got a bike with the colors and decals of the Discovery Channel team he
road on).
For a while, I was pretty much obsessed with Lance
Armstrong. My obsession lessened when he
retired from cycling, but I still kept up with what he was up to and he still
inspired me. It broke my heart to see
everyone accusing him of doping. I
believed he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t take performance
enhancing substances. Up until a few
days ago there was a little part of me that held on desperately to the idea he
was telling the truth.
I think we all wanted to believe this perfect story of a man
beating the odds to go on to be the best cyclist the world has seen while
raising funds and awareness to put an end to cancer.
But we now know the story is not perfect.
Lance has a long way to go to fix broken relationships, to
grow as a human being, and to heal, and I’ll be praying for him in his journey
ahead. I sincerely hope that the truth
will set him free. I’m not angry at
Lance, I don’t want him to suffer in the aftermath of his cheating and lies,
and I’m working to forgive him. I’m just
really disappointed in a man I looked up to and I’m heartbroken for his sake
and for my sake that his perfect story isn’t perfect.
As I watched Lance’s interview with Oprah I found myself
wondering how he got himself in such a deep mess. How could someone who did so much good and
inspired so many people have made so many wrong choices and hurt so many people? How can someone who seemed to have it all
come so quickly to the point where his life is in shambles?
There are many reasons why Lance is where he is today, but I
think it all boils down to this: for Lance it was all about the bike. He got so caught up in winning, so caught up
in controlling every aspect of his life so he could be the best cyclist, so
caught up in the process of trying to live the perfect story. He came to a point where he believed he could
control every aspect and outcome in his life, but in the end this led him to
the point where everything fell apart.
The scariest part is: I’m not so different from Lance.
I have the need to feel that sense of control in life, I
need to know that my future is secure, and I often find myself making plans as
if I can make everything for the rest of my life just perfect. To a certain extent, I can and should control
things that happen in my life, but the minute I think I have the ultimate
control is the minute I start down the same road Lance was on.
If we think and act as if life is all about the bike (or all
about whatever you have foolishly made the priority in your life) and if we
think we can control our lives and live that perfect life through our own doing
we will find we never quite get there or worse we will find ourselves on a path
to devastation.
Real life is messy and far from perfect. We can’t expect perfection and we can’t create
perfection. We can only put our trust in
the fact that God has ultimate control of our lives. We
must turn over the control to God. I
find great hope that as I let God work through me through God’s plan, the story
of my life is becoming better than when I tried to do it on my own. The story may not be perfect, but it will
indeed be beautiful.
