Now as I start a new part of my life, I'm going to start to do something a little different with this blog. I hope that's ok with you (and if not I'm sorry, but I hope you'll learn to be ok with it). At this point I don't know exactly what this blog will become, but I envision a blog about my life and all the thoughts that go through the crazy mind of mine. El Salvador will no doubt make it into the blog often enough, but I'm not going to feel burdened to make everything I write in the blog relate to El Salvador. It has been helpful to have El Salvador as the theme and guide for my writing, but perhaps for a while (or forever) I will post about random, unconnected things. Writing about 'Searching for Peace' will continue to be my overall purpose for this blog even though many posts may not be explicitly about 'searching for peace.'
For the first time in my life since I started preschool, I am no longer a student (assuming that I passed all my classes, but I'm not too worried about that). No longer being a student is a little scary because being a student has given structure and purpose to my life for the past 20 years. But the thought of not being a student has really freed me to imagine all the possibilities of where my life can go from here. The good thing about getting degrees like a B.A. in Spanish and Psychology and a M.A. in Social Justice is that they don't really prepare you to do something specific- there are so many different things that I can do and be because of the education I received. I feel like I've got the passion, knowledge, and ability go out into the world, search for peace, and make peace where there isn't enough peace.
Especially over the past two years I have had so many opportunities to be introduced to amazing ideas, incredible people, and concrete progressive ways of living out life. These ideas and people have challenged me to take a serious look at the way I'm living and the way I want to be living. For the past month or so I have had all these dreams that have been going around in my head about how I should be living and what I should do with my life from here. The practical, organized, structured part of me says "These are just crazy ideas. You need to do something practical and get a 'real' job." But then another part of me (I'm not sure what to call this part of me) says "No. These ideas are wonderful ideas. You are called to do these things and they are indeed possible. You should do everything you can to pursue them and make them a reality." But then that first part of me comes back and says, "But you will need to start paying off your student loans in 6 months and you should really consider moving out of your parents' house and start living like a real grownup." Right now the "dreamer" side of me is winning.
I'll tell you about my dreams and "crazy" ideas in my next posts.
I'm changing this blog in part so that it will be a way to hold me accountable. Now that I'm not a student and I don't know when I'll have a "real" job, I need something to hold me accountable so that I don't just sit around and watch Oprah or read other people's blogs all day long. I hope my blog will hold me accountable to write but also to start to actually DO the things that I imagine doing. I have been reluctant to talk or write about my "dreams" because I'm afraid that if I share my dreams but then things don't work out as I would have liked them to then I will look like a failure. But I'm starting to feel that the risk of looking like failure is much less serious than just sitting around and waiting for life to happen and hoping that things will turn out as I imagine. I certainly don't want to fail and I want my dreams to work out, but even more I don't want to fail because I didn't try. So, my dear readers, please hold me accountable. Tell me to post on my blog if I haven't done it in a while and ask me how I'm coming with making my dreams a reality. And if you feel so moved and able, jump in and help me make my dreams a reality!
