This first reflection is a reflection on the first part of
the Spiritual Exercises, the Principle and Foundation. During this part of the spiritual journey, we
become aware of who we are, we gain a sense of being loved and accepted and go
on to love others, we come to understand life as a gift and accept all that is
there, and we open up to the mystery of the mystery that is God. A person in this part of the spiritual
journey is growing more dependent on God, has a greater acceptance of gifts and
limits, is open to the unknown, and desires more (more life, more of his or her
deepest desires).
When I was in El Salvador a couple of summers ago, I spent
some time with a group of a few other young women from the U.S. and we spent
quite a bit of time talking about a “something” that the Salvadorans have that
we do not. The Salvadorans do not have
many material possessions, yet they seemed to be full of laughter, joy, love,
and happiness. As we spent time with the
Salvadorans we were able to recognize this “something” and then even experience
it for ourselves. This something made me
feel truly alive, genuinely happy, and full of hope. As our group talked about our experience, we
struggled to label that “something”. It
could be love, happiness, appreciation of life, feeling the presence of
God. But none of what we talked about
seemed to fully express or capture that “something.”
I have come to the understanding that this “something” is grace
and complete acceptance. I have come to
understand that this “something” that I was feeling is the grace of the
Principle and Foundation, the grace of being loved and accepted just as I have
been created.
My Salvadoran friends, those I met in passing, and those who
welcomed me into their homes accepted me just as I am. There is
absolutely no reason why the Salvadorans should have accepted me, welcomed me
into their homes, and showed me such gracious hospitality. If anything,
there were far more reasons why the Salvadorans should have just continued on
their way and ignored me rather than showering me with the love and hospitality
they did. For one, their hospitality cost them time, food, and money- all
things that most Salvadorans don't have a lot to spare. Second, I was a
complete stranger (at least at the beginning) and they had no reason to trust
me, and they no obligation to even take a second look at me. Third, as an
American I represent an entity that has created and intensified a number of
things that have been very harmful for the Salvadorans. The U.S. played a
huge role in funding and providing weapons to the Salvadoran government during
the civil war in which tens of thousands of Salvadoran were killed and far more
were injured and otherwise detrimentally affected. Today, the U.S. dominates
the international trade system in which the average Salvadoran has practically
no chance of making a fair wage much less a chance to get ahead. Our
immigration system and our war on drugs add more reasons why Salvadorans should
not have embraced and accepted me. Yet all these reasons and more did not
deter the Salvadorans from showing me the grace they have received from
God.
There are hundreds more reasons why God should not accept my
sinful self, and yet God does and always will.
I think that because I experienced the grace of acceptance through the
relationships with Salvadorans, I got a taste of what true acceptance feels
like. It is through the grace of God that God accepts me just as I am.
This taste of complete, unconditional acceptance and love from the
Salvadorans helped me imagine just how much more I am completely and
unconditionally accepted by God. That "something" that I felt
in El Salvador was the grace of Salvadorans but even more the grace of God.
While I was in El Salvador and now, I have been trying to
figure out how I can continue to feel that “something”, that grace that I felt
so strongly while I was in El Salvador.
It has been difficult to continue to feel and recognize the grace of
complete acceptance and love without my Salvadoran friends giving me that grace
and acceptance they so graciously give.
However, I think now that I better understand what that “something” is
and how it connects with God’s unconditional love and acceptance of me I can
(maybe) learn to find that grace and acceptance within myself rather than
depending on my Salvadoran friends to refresh my sense of God’s grace. And maybe it’s one of those things that I
have to give before I even realize I have it.
Perhaps I need to begin simply giving this unconditional acceptance and
grace in order to realize that I do indeed have it in abundance.
