I think most of you know by now that I’m heading off to El Salvador. I’m leaving Thursday and I’ll be gone for 4 weeks. My friend Julie is already down there and she and I will go home together on August 3rd. I’ll meet another friend named Julie on my layover in Houston and we’ll fly to El Salvador together. Then a few days after I get there another friend, Kira, will join us. Then the four of us ladies will have about a week to get into trouble before a group from Julie and Kira’s church in Minnesota comes to El Salvador for 10 days. So that’s who I’ll be hanging out with in addition to all the wonderful Salvadorans. My trip this summer will be similar to my trip last summer. I’ll visit church communities, spend time with some pastors, check out cultural and historical sites, eat pupusas, learn from the best mission trip leaders, practice my Spanish, and experience Salvadoran life.
It took me forever to decide if I was going to go to El Salvador this summer. It was my intention to bring a group of people from my church down to El Salvador this summer, but unfortunately there weren’t enough people who could or wanted to go on the trip to make it worth it. This was a huge disappointment for me.
Once I finally accepted that there wasn’t going to be a group of people from my church going with to El Salvador, I started to question if I should even go at all. I won’t disclose all the issues that were a part of and a hindrance to my decision-making because I don’t want to bore you and because it still makes my brain hurt to think about it all. I went back and forth about 37 million times in my head about if I should go or not. I wrote down a list of “pros and cons” of going to El Salvador. I prayed about it. I journaled about it. I tried pretending for a few hours that I was going to El Salvador to see how I felt and then I would pretend for a few hours that I wasn’t going to El Salvador to see if that felt “right.” Then I went back and forth in my mind about 24 million more times.
The decision-making-process was made more difficult because it was getting closer and closer to the day that I would leave if I was going to go. I was under the pressure of knowing that I had to buy my plane ticket and do all the little things to get ready to go. It came to be three weeks before the day I would leave and I still hadn’t made a decision. At this point I was looking for help making the decision wherever I could find the help- I was really hoping for a clear, loud voice from Heaven. But that didn’t happen (wouldn’t life be easier and much more exciting if God spoke to us like he spoke to Moses? At least we would know exactly what God wanted us to do even if doing it was still incredibly difficult.). What did happen was this: I was in the car driving around and listening to my favorite Christian radio station. In between a couple of songs, the radio show hosts started talking about following God and going where God is. They talked about trusting in God and going where God leads you- to follow God down the path and on the journey God leads you on.
So, I thought about where God was leading me and about my path, especially as it related to going to El Salvador. Where had God led me before? Where and when do I feel God most present? Is El Salvador a part of my journey with God? Where is God and where is God calling me to be?
The place where I have seen, heard, and felt God most clearly has been in El Salvador. I know that God is present everywhere, but I have felt and experienced God’s presence in El Salvador in a way that I have rarely experienced God at home. It is so incredibly obvious to me that God is present in and among the Salvadoran people. I thought about the incredible work God is doing in El Salvador. At that moment it was clear that God was leading me to El Salvador.
And then I knew. I knew I had to go to El Salvador this summer.
It was such an agonizing decision-making process, but once I finally made the decision to go to El Salvador I felt immediate relief. I felt a great sense of calm and consolation- a sense of peace. I’m not sure if this sense of peace was because I didn’t have to worry about making the decision anymore or because I had made the right decision- perhaps both.
Going to El Salvador has become almost routine for me now- this will be the fourth time that I’m going. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. I’ve got a highly refined packing list. I have the comfort of knowing where I’m staying and with whom I’ll be staying. I have a pretty good idea of what the “average” day is like in El Salvador (but really there isn’t any such thing as an “average” day in El Salvador- I guess what I mean is I have a pretty good idea of what to expect while expecting the unexpected). I know I’ll be taken care of by some very wonderful Salvadorans. I’m not sure if this sense of “routineness” about going to El Salvador is a good thing or a bad thing.
Despite the tough decision making process, I am so very excited to be going to El Salvador. And I’m even more excited about sharing my experiences with all of my blog readers. I’ll try my best to post here on my blog with some regularity- every 2 or 3 days or so- but no promises.
