Trust.

As I mentioned in a previous post, a couple of days before the group from Minnesota left we all shared with each other our testimonies of how our experiences in El Salvador had affected us.  I’d like to share with you the testimony that I shared with the group, but first I have to give you some background information so that my testimony will make sense to those who haven’t been to El Salvador.

The background:

Salvadorans are crazy drivers and the roads there are just a step away from pure chaos.  Traffic laws are treated as suggestions.  If there is a stop sign it means you might stop if you really want to.  A red light only means stop if there are other cars coming quickly.  Speed limit signs are pretty much just a way to decorate the side of the road.  To drive in El Salvador, you need to know how to drive stick shift, you need to use the horn a lot, you need to be aggressive and you need to be very brave.  I am none of these things, which is why I won’t be driving in El Salvador any time soon (although maybe one day).

While in El Salvador we had a variety of drivers who drove us around.  My most favorite driver was Cesar.  Cesar is the stereotypical Salvadoran driver on steroids.  He maneuvers the microbus with such precision.  He can easily create a third lane on a road where only two lanes exist.  He treats “no passing” signs as a challenge- he passes on the right, on the left, on the shoulder, around a curve, going up and down mountains.  And he drives really fast.  Whenever we talked about how long it would take to get somewhere we had to take into account who was driving- Cesar could get us somewhere in 2/3 the time it took anyone else.

The trusty microbus

Cesar!

My testimony:

On this trip to El Salvador I’ve been thinking a lot about trust.  Trust is something that I struggle with.  It takes me a long time to trust other people.  And I have a hard time trusting in God.  I struggle to trust that God will take care of all my needs and I have an even more difficult time trusting that God will indeed restore the world one day to the world of justice, the Kingdom of God.

Salvadorans have taught me a lot about trust and I have had many opportunities to practice trust while in El Salvador.  Every time I get into a microbus requires me to trust that driver.  It has taken me a while to come to this point, but I fully trust Cesar and his driving abilities.  Cesar is the most aggressive and fast driver I know.  He very rarely drives in any manner that I would even think of driving.  Cesar often maneuvers the microbus in ways that make me incredibly nervous and worried, but after many trips with Cesar I have always arrived safely and quickly.  And so I trust Cesar.

As I have been thinking about this trust I have in Cesar, I have also been thinking about my trust in God.  Really it is my lack of trust in God that I have been thinking about.  I try to control my life and believe I know how to do things best rather than trusting in God’s will and God’s plan for my life and the world.

Salvadorans know how to trust in God- in many cases, God is the only entity that they can put their trust in.  Salvadorans rely on and put trust in God to provide them with food and all their other necessities.  They trust in God to grant them another day of life each morning.  Perhaps most significantly Salvadorans trust that one day the Kingdom of God will be present here on earth and they trust there will be glimpses of this kingdom along the way.  They trust that things will get better.

For Salvadorans trust is something much deeper than a belief- it’s not just something intellectual or an attitude.  The trust Salvadorans have in God is a trust that involves taking action.  To trust in God and to trust that the Kingdom of God will come means to start doing things now to announce and bring about the Kingdom of God.

Pastors Matias and Martina have taken action through working to ensure that kids have all the opportunities that come with an excellent education.  Trini announces the coming of the Kingdom of God through the physical and spiritual care given at the Casa Esperanza.  So many Salvadorans have given us a little taste of what incredible hospitality there will be in the Kingdom of God.  Archbishop Oscar Romero offered an example of the love, humility, and mercy that will be a part of the Kingdom.

Unlike the Salvadorans, I have a very difficult time believing and trusting that a better world is possible.  I have seen and heard about so much suffering, so much pain, so much injustice, so much poverty.  I have a hard time imaging that things can ever get better, much less imaging that the Kingdom of God could ever come to such a place as this present world that is filled with so much injustice.  I have a hard time thinking about bringing about a better world, but the real issue is that I often fell incapable of doing anything to bring about the Kingdom of God.  It seems absurd to think that anything I could do is adequate or able to do anything to bring about a better world.  I doubt that I will ever see the day when justice prevails so I often see no reason to try to do anything.

But in El Salvador I have met so many people who trust in God and trust that a better world is possible.  I have met people who have seen glimpses of the Kingdom of God and I have seen some of these glimpses myself.  These Salvadorans and these glimpses have given me hope and courage- they have given me reasons to trust.

And so I ask myself: What will trust in God look like in my life after this trip?  The answer is: I don’t really know.  But I do know that trust will require me to do things to start to bring about the Kingdom of God.  It will mean taking risks- physical and otherwise.  It will mean doing things without guarantees.  I will do things to take steps towards a better world even if I know I won’t see that better world myself.  I will focus on what is possible rather than what is impossible.  Trusting in God may require me to do seemingly crazy or irrational things.

But I have learned from having Cesar as a driver- sometimes those seemingly crazy and irrational things are in the end the best way to do things.  Cesar has a plan of action while driving that I rarely understand, but in the end I realize it works.  Even if I don’t understand God’s plan right now, I have to trust that there is indeed a plan for me and for the world and in the end these plans will work.  A better world will come about.  There will be justice, peace, and love in the world.  And on that day all of us will be able to look back and see how each of us had a role in announcing and bringing about that better world.

And so I cast my lot with the Salvadorans and all those who act on their trust in God and are working toward that better world.