Life Goes On

I've been working on writing this post essentially since I got home, but I have held off finishing and posting it until now for a couple of reasons.  The transition back home from El Salvador was rough, but I am feeling more adjusted after a couple of weeks.  I waited to post this so that my emotions could calm down a little- I didn’t want to post something that I would later regret.  I also waited because I knew that the stress and exhaustion I felt when I got home were affecting me negatively.  There are still some raw emotions here, but I hope that’s ok. 

First, let me say that I was and continue to be so glad to be home with my family with all the comforts of home (especially clean water I can drink from the tap).

But being home has been difficult.  It was such a quick and busy trip in El Salvador and coming home was so abrupt.  I felt like I was plopped into El Salvador, yanked out, and then plopped right back home.  I think part of the difficulty has been due to being physically exhausted and then having to get right back into the craziness of the month before I graduate from graduate school.  But the difficulty of being home has been more on an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level than on a physical level.  

Many people experience culture shock when they visit a place where the culture is different from their own culture.  The culture and life in El Salvador, as you might imagine, is quite different from life in the U.S., especially life in suburbia.  Coming back home has been like reverse culture shock.  I didn't really have time to prepare myself to come back home.  It was all very quick and unsettling in a way.

Life went on while I was away, as I expected it would.

I went away for a week to what seemed like a completely different world- a world where there is poverty everywhere, a world where there are still deep wounds from a brutal civil war, a world where injustice is the rule and not the exception.   

The poverty and suffering and desperation that I saw people experiencing in El Salvador affected me deeply- this trip as well as in the past two times I visited El Salvador.  And especially after this trip it has been difficult to be around other people whom I love and care for when they don't understand and haven’t experienced what has so deeply affected me.

My family and friends didn't hear the Salvadoran pastor talking about how members of his congregation don't even have the basic necessities- food, water, decent housing.  They didn’t see the children at the homeless shelter who were desperate for food.  They didn’t see the squalor that many people live in.  They didn't see the precious, malnourished boy with his dirty clothes and bare feet.  They didn't see the people who are desperate for help.     

Since I have been home these past couple of weeks I have often had this desire to just make everyone stop what they are doing.  To stop their senseless buying and consuming.  To stop watching senseless TV.  To stop being so concerned about what's going on on Facebook.  To stop worrying about how their sports teams are doing.  It all seems so shallow, so superficial, so unimportant after all I saw and experienced in El Salvador.

I have wanted to just make people stop whatever they are doing and tell them: The world is in crisis. There is extreme poverty.  People are sick.  People are suffering.  People are dying.    

I have felt angry and frustrated that others don't seem to care enough to go to El Salvador to see and to understand what is happening there and in so many other places in the world.  Why don't people care enough to go to El Salvador and help?  How can they just go about their lives when there are people suffering and dying?  Why aren’t people doing anything to help?  I just cannot get past the thought that "if only they would go and visit El Salvador, they would understand and be moved to do something."

In a way I have been blessed and privileged to be able to learn about and experience the reality of poverty.  I have a better understanding of the world around me and how my actions impact other people thousands of miles away.  I understand the state of injustice in the world (but by no means do I understand it completely).  But this knowledge and the experience I have is also a disadvantage.  It is a disadvantage because I have to deal with the pain of knowing about the injustice in the world, but also because there are so many people around me who don’t have this pain and knowledge, people who don't "get it".

All this has left me with a heavy burden to make others see what I have seen, to experience what I have experienced, to meet the Salvadorans I have met, to open eyes to things that my eyes have been opened to, and to allow hearts to break as mine has been broken.  I feel such a heavy burden to help the Salvadorans I met, and I know that I cannot help them on my own.  So this leaves me with even more of a burden to make others have the same passion I have so that they can help me help the Salvadorans.

Don’t get me wrong- you are all wonderful loving people, I’m not accusing anyone of being heartless.  I know that most people do in fact care deeply about other people and the world.  I know that many people have an issue or a group of people that they care deeply about- not everyone is called to be passionate about El Salvador.  My family, friends, and church family do indeed care and do indeed want to make the world a better place, I just don’t see the sense of urgency that I think is warranted after my trip.

I have felt frustrated and saddened by the seemingly lack of concern or care from other people but I have also been frustrated and saddened by my own life and my own response to what I experienced in El Salvador.  On the one hand I feel guilt - I feel guilty for all the "stuff" that is cluttering my room, for all the food that is in my pantry and fridge, for all the clothes I have, for the wonderful health care that I have access to, for the beautiful big house and the safe neighborhood that I live in.  Why do I have so much stuff when so many Salvadorans have so little?  How can I keep living like I’m living when there are people suffering and dying because of injustice in the world? 

I also keep telling myself that I personally need to be doing more to help the Salvadorans I met.  I’m not doing enough- there will always be more that I could be doing.  It is so overwhelming trying to figure out what to do and actually doing it is even more overwhelming and difficult.  And in all this I’m still trying to discern how God is calling me to respond.  Why did God call me to go to El Salvador?  Why is God calling me to go back?  What role am I supposed to be playing in bringing about God’s justice in El Salvador?  I worry about not living up to what I am supposed to be doing.  But then I’m afraid of what it is going to cost me if and when I do live up to what I’m supposed to be doing.

All this that has been going through my mind isn’t exactly bringing me peace.  But this isn’t the end of the story.  I do have hope, but you are going to have to wait until my next post to hear about it.  

The Salvadoran Military Museum

I mentioned in a previous post that Julie and I went to the Salvadoran Military Museum and I promised that I would tell you more about that.  So here's a little about the museum and my thoughts on that museum.  

We went because Julie and I were looking for new places to go and the Military Museum was in the guide book, so we decided to go one afternoon.  We went with our excellent friend and chauffeur, Cesar, and two young Salvadoran boys.  The museum was at what appeared to be some sort of military base and a training facility perhaps.

The museum had a series of rooms (maybe 10 or so) and each room represented a different time beginning in the colonial period through today.  It was essentially just displays of weapons, uniforms, some pictures, and various military equipment.  There wasn't a whole lot of information, most of the pieces in the displays had a little information- what it was, when it was used, and where it was made.

There were a couple of rooms for the Salvadoran civil war, a room for the Peace Accords that were signed to end the civil war, a room about the Salvadoran military involvement in Iraq, a room about the UN, and a room about the process of keeping the "peace" since the end of the civil war.  There were some tanks out front, a couple small planes, and some helicopters.  The coolest and most random thing at the museum was probably the "Pope Mobile" that was used when the pope visited El Salvador some years back.  

Some of the many guns- these were from the civil war

The "Pope mobile" 

A few things really stuck out as we were at the museum.  The first was that about 75% of the weapons were made in the U.S.  To me this means a couple of things.  One, it means that the U.S. likes to sell or provide weapons to El Salvador- they are good friends like that.  Two, a lot of weapons and military equipment are made in the U.S.  I'll let you draw your own further conclusions.    

Another thing that struck me was how much this museum was such a tribute to war, violence, and the things that are used to kill people.  It was really eerie walking around looking at all the guns and other equipment that had been used to kill people.  Here all this stuff was displayed in a way that told the story of history based solely on the weapons being used and the conflicts/wars the weapons were being used in.  Granted it was a military museum, but it bothers me that this museum (and many other museums, history classes, textbooks, etc., etc.) framed history based on violence.  Maybe I'm a little biased, being the pacifist that I am, but it seems that it might be nice to frame the story of our past in a better way than around wars.  War is so glorified far too often.      

I was really hoping learn more at the museum.  I don't know if they don't have the resources or the desire to add more information or explanation to the displays in the museum.  It's really up to the visitor to the museum to draw conclusions- or maybe the people who put together the museum think that the message should be obvious to the visitor and no explanation is needed.  I was really interested to see how the museum would explain or portray the civil war, but I wasn't really able to glean much information which was a real disappointment.

A huge part of the story was left out of this museum.  We saw the weapons.  In a few rooms there was a focus on a particular military leader who had been an especially important or brave leader.  What we did not see was the effect of the weapons.  We did not see the injury, the blood, the death, the suffering, the pain, the loss, the devastation caused by those weapons that were so proudly displayed.  We did not see the story of the victims.  The stories of the victims of violence in El Salvador and all over the world are the stories that we so desperately need to hear.  

Outside of the museum there was a huge 3-D topographical map of El Salvador.  It was really neat to see El Salvador portrayed this way.  I'm slowly struggling to learn El Salvador geography.  In all my travels around the country I try to pay attention to directions, but I still don't have a real good conception of where things and places are located in the country.  It's the mountains that make it so difficult to travel around and to get a good understanding of the geography.  Seeing this topographical map helped me to have a better idea of just how many mountains/volcanos there are and just how big they are!  

The brownish-beighish spots are little houses/buildings where there are cities!

A very delayed account of my last day in El Salvador

I apologize for not posting when I got home.  Julie and I did indeed make it home safe and sound.  I was exhausted when I got home and I had to jump right back into school and church responsibilities.  I would have much rather written a blog post instead of writing my economic philosophy paper among other things I had to do, but homework had to come first.  As Julie said, too bad blogging isn't my homework.  The good news is that I'm all caught up on my schoolwork, so now I get to blog!

Our last day in El Salvador was for me the most important, the most intense, and the most emotional.  Julie and I went with two of my favorite Salvadorans, Cesar and Mari, to the eastern department of La Union.  It should have been about a 4 hour drive, but with Cesar's expert driving skills we made it there in 3.5 hours and made it home in even less time.  When Julie and I were in El Salvador last summer we had the opportunity to visit the communities of Pastor Alejandro.  See my post about that visit.

Pastor Alejandro is the pastor of three little communities that make up the church congregation Santa Andrea.  The people living in these communities are extremely poor.  They live on the bank of a river which leaves them vulnerable to floods during the rainy season (May- November).  They struggle to have enough food, the children are visibly small for their age because they are malnourished, they do not have access to clean water, not all the children are able to go to school, they don't have access to health care, they have no transportation, few people have jobs.  Both last summer and in this visit it was clear that the people in this community lack so much and need so much.

When Julie and I first met Pastor Alejandro and visited these communities last July, we just went to see a part of El Salvador we had never seen.  We had no idea that we would be visiting a community that so desperately needs help, but once we were there we both knew that we had to do something.  This church community does not have a sister church while many other Salvadoran Lutheran churches do have the support of sister churches in the U.S. or other developed nations.  My church does not have a sister church.  So as Julie and I talked about how we might help Pastor Alejandro's congregation, it just made sense to explore the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership between my church and Pastor Alejandro's congregation.  

So, over the past months I've been talking about El Salvador at my church, I've talked about Pastor Alejandro and his congregation,  I've talked about the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership, and I'm trying to gather a group of people from my congregation to travel to El Salvador this summer.  The first big step in the process of exploring the possibilities of forming a sister church partnership is for a group of people from my church to go and learn about El Salvador, visit Pastor Alejandro's congregation, and then come back home and report to the rest of my congregation.  Then we'll all have conversations about if we think we should continue in the process of forming a sister church partnership.  The main reason why Julie and I went to visit Pastor Alejandro and his congregation last week was to do some planning for when I (hopefully) bring a group from my church this summer.

When we arrived in La Union, we met up with Pastor Alejandro and his brother who helps him with the pastoral work.  We went to the community of El Rincon where most of the people in Pastor Alejandro's congregation live.  At first there were only a few people gathered.  There was a table set up as an altar and some chairs circled around outside a community member's house.  Slowly more people began to come.  Almost everyone who came greeted Julie and I with at least a handshake- most people gave us a hug.  There were some pretty cute kids- some of them were shy and were reluctant to greet the strange looking white visitors.  Everyone was genuinely kind and graciously welcomed us.  Eventually there were about 40 people or so gathered.  Pastor Alejandro said a few words, Julie and I said a few words, a few people from the community spoke, Pastor Alejandro and his brother preached a little, and we sang a few songs.  We took a bunch of pictures of the all the people, especially the cute kids.  Then we said good-bye to everyone.

Pastor Alejandro (in the back) and his brother (in front)

The cutest little boy!

We then went to look at some hotels where the group could potentially stay this summer.  We thankfully found a couple of good options (and one that wasn't a very good option).  We saw the ocean and the city of La Union.  We then went to Pastor Alejandro's house.  He has a nice little humble house.  He is working on building a little room next to his house that he will use for Bible studies, Sunday School, and maybe even church services.  His congregation doesn't really have any other place to meet.  The room is mostly done, it just needs a floor.  Pastor Alejandro's wife made us lunch, we ate in a patio area, and then some more people came to visit.  It was so nice to see all the people that Pastor Alejandro ministers to- they are truly lovely, beautiful, caring, compassionate, faithful people.  Our time with Pastor Alejandro quickly came to an end- we had to head back to the capital.

I really hope and pray that the next time I return to visit Pastor Alejandro and his congregation that I will be able to bring with me other people from my church so that God willing we can begin the process of forming a sister church partnership.  The people in Pastor Alejandro's congregation and I really want this to happen- God willing.

Piñatas, Church, Land, and Cows

I´m exhausted, but I´m going to muster up all the energy I have to give you a quick update.

 

It has been so HOT the past couple of days. Even the Salvadorans think it has been hot, so it´s not just me complaining.  I would really enjoy some weather where the temperature is somewhere in between freezing cold and boiling hot.

 

Wednesday afternoon and evening and today, Julie and I were with Pastors Matias and Martina.  As always, it was wonderful spending time with them.

 

Today was a very long, but wonderful day.  It took forever for everyone to get ready and get in the truck, but we were on our way by 11.  We made a few stops along the way, but we finally made it to the little community of San Jose Buena Vista.  When I was in El Salvador last summer, they were working on building a church there.  I got to see the progress throughout the time I was here and I even got to help with the construction a little.  Well, the church is now complete!  The church was dedicated in January and I saw pictures from this celebration, but the pictures just didn´t do justice to how beautiful the church is.  They have a large sanctuary, two other rooms for meetings or Sunday school, and they even have bathrooms in the church.  It looks so nice and new and I know that it has already gotten some good use.  The people in Buena Vista are so blessed to have such a wonderful place in which to worship and meet.

 

We brought a piñata for the kids at the church and they had a great time with that (even the process of getting it hung up was pretty entertaining). 

 

We then left to go to the community of Colon.  The church in Colon is a sister church with Julie´s church in Schaumburg.  Thanks to donations from people at Julie´s church, my church, and our family and friends, the people of Colon will very soon have a piece of land where they can build a church.  For more than 10 years, the congregation in Colon has been looking forward to the day when they will have their own church in which to worship.  Buying the land is a big step toward this.  We went to Colon to celebrate with the Pastors and with the congregation of Colon.

 

The kids (little ones and teens) prepared some super cute and funny dances.  We had two piñatas, one for the boys and one for the girls.  Salvadorans really know how to do piñatas.  Everyone got so excited and the kids were pretty much experts in hitting the piñta and making sure to get every last piece of candy out of the poor mutilated piñatas.

 

We did all this at the place where the church meets now, in the yard of one of the church members.  After this, we went down the street a little bit to the piece of land where the church will be.  Right now the land is empty, but it was easy to imagine a church there, a church a little like the one that we had just visited in Buena Vista.  We met the nice old man who was selling the land and the kids ran all around the land.  After some time we gathered in a circle and prayed.  We thanked God for the blessings of the church community in Colon, for the land, for the churches and the people who helped raise money for the land.  And we asked that God would grant that one day there will be a church constructed on the land.  What a beautiful and blessed time.  Truly God is good!

 

And then some cows came down the road and they came through the gate and onto the land.  Apparently the cows like to come and eat and hang out on the land.  Someone will have to tell the cows that if they want to come on the land and eat that they will first have to go to church. 

 

Tomorrow (Friday) is our last day in El Salvador.  We are going out to the eastern part of El Salvador, the department of La Union, to meet with a pastor there.  I´m excited to go, but it will be a long trip in the car, about 4 hours each way.  It should be a good last day though.

Everything is closed on Monday

Yesterday, Monday, Julie and I went on an adventure where we learned that everything is closed on Mondays...well, not everything was closed, but close to everything was closed.  We went out to the western part of the country to visit a hotel where Julie might bring one of the church groups she is leading this summer.  We wanted to find some fun things that the group could do while they are out there.  We looked at the El Salvador travel book and found some things to go check out.  We went through 3 little towns that were supposed to be touristy towns, but not much was going on.  We went into a few little stores that were selling arts and crafts types of things and they were very nice.  But you can only spend so long looking in these shops.  Many shops were closed, the churches were closed, a little cultural house was closed.  We were told that stuff was closed because it was Monday.  I guess tourists aren´t supposed to come on Mondays.  If only the book had told us this.

 

We had a very lovely lunch at the hotel which was beautiful with gardens and flowers.  The weather was much nicer there, it was much cooler than here in the capital.  We headed back to San Salvador.  Then Julie and I went with a couple of university students who live at the Casa Concordia to see El Salvador´s national university.  It was a huge campus and there were students all over the place outside hanging out (and some were studying).     

 

Today, we went to the University of Central America (UCA).  Julie and I saw on the UCA website that there was a special exhibit during the month of March for the anniversary of the assassination of Archbishop Oscar Romero.  However, the exhibit was no longer there.  I guess they decided to take it down early to put up a new exhibit.  Oh well.  I´ve been reading a biography of Romero and I am continually amazed by what a faithful and courageous man he was.  Reading it while I´m here in El Salvador visiting some of the places where he traveled to and worked, makes it so much more real.  It has been 31 years since Romero was killed by the Salvadoran army for speaking out against the violence of the Salvadoran government, but Romero´s legacy lives on.  There are pictures, murals, t'shirts, posters of him all over the place.  The people remember his work and many, especially those at the UCA, continue his work.  When President Obama was in El Salvador last week, he visited Romero´s tomb.  Although Obama did not make any sort of official statement about his visit to Romero´s tomb, it was indeed a very symbolic action for him to pay his respects to a man who fought for justice for the poor and the oppressed.  If only U.S. foreign policy would express more concern for the poor and the oppressed. 

 

After we went to the UCA, we went to the Casa Esperanza, the Hope House, which is the Luthera´n church´s ministry to the homeless.  Julie and I helped make tortillas.  I felt bad for the people who had to eat the tortillas that I made because they weren´t as round as they should have been.  We got to join the people for a mini worship service and then helped serve lunch.  We served a full room and some people didn´t even get a seat.  There were many more children there this time than I have seen in past times that I have gone to the Casa Esperanza.  This afternoon we went to the military museum (I´ll tell you more about this later), we saw the U.S. embassy here (it´s HUGE), and we went to a botanical garden.

Day One

I slept well last night and woke up to the neighborhood chickens, dogs, and Pastor Matias´ pet birds. I´m not sure what time it was that these creatures woke me up, but it was early. Salvadorans wake up early, probably because of all the noisy creatures. I stayed in bed for a couple more hours and slept a little more. This morning we had a lovely breakfast with Pastor Matias.


We went to the little town of Guaycume for church this morning. It was a lovely service and the church was pretty full. I got to read the Old Testament lesson (I really hope that my unpracticed skills in Spanish didn´t prevent people from understanding the reading). There were some people there that I recognized or knew well from my previous trips. It is always nice to see a familiar face and to be welcomed so generously. At the end of the service, there was a time to share peace with others. This can be a time of awkwardness in any church. How do you greet people and share the peace? With a hand shake? a nod of the head? a hug? a kiss on the cheek? an all out full embrace? I went with the handshake for those I didn´t know and this seemed to be working pretty well. Then a precious little girl who was probably about 6 or 7 came up to me. I extended my hand to her, but she came right up to be and gave me the biggest hug. Here I am a complete stranger from a strange country and this little girl ignores all this and shows me some great love.


Today has been a day of remembering how Salvadorans deal with time. Things happen when they happen, and it seems like things take forever to happen. To a certain extent the time on the clock dictates some things, but the clock is more of a guide, something to take into account. But clocks don´t dictate life in El Salvador as they do in the U.S. People get ready in their own time, and if you are late for something, it´s not the end of the world. I haven´t really been keeping track of the time (just going with the flow), but I´m pretty sure that we were late for church this morning. It´s one thing if a congregant is late, but for the pastors to be late is something else. But there was no problem with being late. Can you imagine if your pastor showed up 30 minutes late to church (on a regular basis)? Things would not go well for that pastor. But here in El Salvador, time matters less and it is the relationships with other people that matter more. If you are talking with a person, that matters more than getting to something on time. It´s a different way of doing things and it is requiring me to be patient, but I like it.


This afternoon, Pastor Matias brought Julie and I into San Salvador and we are now staying at the Lutheran Guest House, Casa Concordia. There are lots of friends here! Once again it is great to see familiar faces and to see the amazing people and friends that have been so good to me in my past trips. Julie and I are still trying to work out our plans for the next few days, we´ll see how it goes.

I´m in El Salvador!

Just a quick note to let you know that Julie and I made it to El Salvador safe and sound.  Our trip was good except for a little mix up with Julie´s bag.  Someone else accidently pick it up and took it home, but we will be able to get it back tomorrow.  Pastor Matias and and his son in law, Jorge, picked us up from the airport.  We are now at Pastor Matias and Martina´s house.

I´m tired after a long day of traveling, but it is so good to be here. I can´t wait for the adventures to come.