A Garlic (and Life) Update

In the fall a little over a year ago I planted garlic in the community garden at Our Savior Lutheran Church (read my blog post about it if you don’t remember: Doing a Dumb Thing).

When I planted the garlic I was so worried it wouldn’t make it through the winter.  I thought the garlic would just have to make it through the winter and then I would be able to take care of it and I would be able to ensure it would grow and turn out well. But plans change.  I left my staff position at Our Savior last spring, which meant to a certain extent I was around to take care of it, but I wasn’t able to give the garlic the attention I thought I would be able to give it. 

Other people are now in charge of the garden and the care of the garlic and all the other wonderful things that grow in that garden.

Planting the garlic in the fall required a lot of trust that everything would turn out ok.  Then I found myself in the spring when I thought I would be able to regain some control actually having even less control.

I had to trust that other people would take care of the garlic.  Above all I had to trust that what I planted was not planted in vain.

The garlic is perhaps the most physically evident part of the work at Our Savior that I started and then entrusted to other people.  Ministries I started or deeply invested in have and will continue to morph, change, and end. 

We all know change is hard.  For so many reasons and in so many ways life usually doesn’t go as we thought it might or imagined it could.  We are given the choice then to defiantly grasp on to what might have been, or we can release that and learn to embrace all the blessings that are to come.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was SO HARD to release what I had given so much of my time, energy, and passion to.  It was so hard to concede that I couldn’t do everything.  To come to terms with the fact that I won’t always be able to see the harvest (literally and figuratively).  To accept that this season of my life was ending. 

But as time as went on I realized that by no means was it an end…more of a transition than anything.

I have seen the building of ministry continue at Our Savior.  I have seen people rise and take on new or bigger roles.  I have seen the love and compassion of Christ continually displayed in and through people at Our Savior.

Through mourning and releasing what was and what could have been, I have found so much freedom and joy in discovering what God has in store for me in this next season of my journey!  

And as far as I know, the garlic did well.

The garlic in late May growing!

A Year of Being Brave

It’s been quite a while since I have written for this space.  Sorry dear reader.  It hasn’t been for a lack of things to write about but it’s just been hard to find the words to write here.

But here’s a start:

I’ve never really been one to make New Year’s resolutions.  For most people it seems to be a futile effort of having the best of intentions and then powerlessly watching those intentions fade rapidly in the face of challenges to those intentions.  January 1 also seems like an arbitrary point in time to start or stop something.  Why would you wait until January 1^st to make a change in your life when you know on May 17^th that you need to make changes?   And is there really something to gain by hastily making up some goals so you have something by January 1?

While I’m skeptical of the whole New Year’s resolution thing, this year I decided to choose a word that I want to focus on for these 366 days.  It’s something I’ve heard of others doing and I love the simplicity and the power of this practice. 

After much thought, prayer, and Pinterest quote reading, I settled on the word brave.  A word that I hope by the end of the year I will more fully embody.  A word that people might use to describe my heart and my actions.

Sure, by many standards I have done brave things. There have certainly been areas of my life where I would consider myself to be brave. 

But in general brave is not a word I would use to describe myself.  There are so many really important parts and aspects of my life in which I need to be brave.  These are the areas of my life in which I desperately want to be brave and to do the things that require really, really, hard work and large doses of bravery. 

Doing brave things is scary and just thinking about doing them brings about much anxiety and fear in me.  I want people’s approval of the things I do and say.  I’m afraid of sharing the truest things about myself.  I worry I will not have the support I need and want from the people who have meant so much to me.  I don’t know if I’ll be good enough or right or even ok.

And these are the things that make being brave so hard and yet so necessary.

Brené Brown says, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”  Over the past year I’ve discovered how true this is as I’ve been figuring out my story and learning to confidently live into it while loving myself!

But I’ve come to see just how much power and freedom there is in my relationship with God that there is no real reason not to be brave.  There is no real reason to not live fully as the person God created me to be without shame.  There is no real reason to feel guilty for the things I cannot do today or the things I cannot do ever.  There is no real reason not to ask for the things I need.  There is no real reason to not listen to that voice and those nudges that so firmly guide me.  There is no real reason not to be vulnerable, honest, and full of joy because of all God has done and will do in and through me.

2015 was a year of discerning my next steps in life’s journey and as 2016 progresses I am so excited to live more fully into what I have learned about myself while continuing to take the next brave steps.

Here’s to a year of being brave!