Being Alive

After my second trip to El Salvador I wrote on this blog about a “something” that Salvadorans seem to have that I don’t.  While in El Salvador I feel this something and it stays with me for a while once I get home but it far too quickly dissipates.  It is this “something” that makes me feel alive, full of joy, happiness, and hope.

This “something” is something that I have thought about a lot and I have written about (on this blog and in my personal writing).  Every once in a while I have an insight about this “something” or I read a book or article that makes think about this “something” or I have a conversation with someone that helps me get closer to figuring out what that “something” is.  Yet, I still feel like I am far from understanding this “something”.  Maybe it’s a good thing that I have to keep searching for and refining an understanding of this something, but it is a little frustrating.

More and more I’m thinking that this “something” has to do with being alive.  When I say being alive I don’t just mean being alive in the sense that a person is breathing and his or her heart is beating.  No, I mean being alive in the fullest sense.

It has to do with being alive in Christ, living as Christ has asked and required us to live. 

What exactly does it mean to be alive in Christ? 

Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

1 John 3:16, 18 lays it out even clearer: This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

To be truly alive means to live a life of sacrifice and love.  Jesus lived the perfect life of love and sacrificed everything he had for everyone who has or ever will live.  And we are supposed to follow Jesus’ example.

When I’m in El Salvador I experience this sense of being alive because I am among Salvadorans who are so much better than I am at living, at living a life of sacrifice and love.  Salvadorans are just really good at living selfless lives and loving everyone.  It’s evident in the way they go about their day to day life meeting the needs of other people when their own needs are often barely met.  It’s evident in the loving and generous way they care for complete strangers and foreigners who come to visit.  It’s evident in their stories from their experiences during the civil war in El Salvador- even in times of great tragedy and loss, so many Salvadorans continued to give up so much to work for a better world.  Salvadorans don’t just sit around and talk about the one time they made a sacrifice for someone else.  My Salvadoran friends daily live a life of sacrifice.  They love in action. 

And during the time I spend with Salvadorans, I understand what it means to be alive in the fullest sense.  I see people loving with reckless abandon.  I watch people live with hope.  I experience what it means to live with joy.  And I absorb the hope, love, and joy of the Salvadorans.    

So, then this question remains: how can I continue to feel that “something” when I’m not in El Salvador?  It has to be possible, right???

I’ve got some ideas on the answer to this question, but you’ll have to wait until next week for the answer.  

My Fallen Hero

Lance Armstrong was my hero.

I hung posters of Lance on my walls.  I read and reread the two books he wrote.  I wore a LIVESTRONG bracelet for a few years.  Lance’s love for the sport of cycling was contagious and I fell in love with cycling and still love getting on my bike.  I spent hours and hours watching the Tour de France every morning for three weeks each summer for a few years.  I watched to see Lance win and continue the story of his triumph over hardship and cancer.  And when I was looking to buy a new bike, Trek will be happy to know that my purchase of a Trek road bike was highly influenced by the fact that Lance road a Trek (and I even got a bike with the colors and decals of the Discovery Channel team he road on).

For a while, I was pretty much obsessed with Lance Armstrong.  My obsession lessened when he retired from cycling, but I still kept up with what he was up to and he still inspired me.  It broke my heart to see everyone accusing him of doping.  I believed he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t take performance enhancing substances.  Up until a few days ago there was a little part of me that held on desperately to the idea he was telling the truth.      

I think we all wanted to believe this perfect story of a man beating the odds to go on to be the best cyclist the world has seen while raising funds and awareness to put an end to cancer.

But we now know the story is not perfect.

Lance has a long way to go to fix broken relationships, to grow as a human being, and to heal, and I’ll be praying for him in his journey ahead.  I sincerely hope that the truth will set him free.  I’m not angry at Lance, I don’t want him to suffer in the aftermath of his cheating and lies, and I’m working to forgive him.  I’m just really disappointed in a man I looked up to and I’m heartbroken for his sake and for my sake that his perfect story isn’t perfect.

As I watched Lance’s interview with Oprah I found myself wondering how he got himself in such a deep mess.  How could someone who did so much good and inspired so many people have made so many wrong choices and hurt so many people?  How can someone who seemed to have it all come so quickly to the point where his life is in shambles?

There are many reasons why Lance is where he is today, but I think it all boils down to this: for Lance it was all about the bike.  He got so caught up in winning, so caught up in controlling every aspect of his life so he could be the best cyclist, so caught up in the process of trying to live the perfect story.  He came to a point where he believed he could control every aspect and outcome in his life, but in the end this led him to the point where everything fell apart. 

The scariest part is: I’m not so different from Lance.

I have the need to feel that sense of control in life, I need to know that my future is secure, and I often find myself making plans as if I can make everything for the rest of my life just perfect.  To a certain extent, I can and should control things that happen in my life, but the minute I think I have the ultimate control is the minute I start down the same road Lance was on.

If we think and act as if life is all about the bike (or all about whatever you have foolishly made the priority in your life) and if we think we can control our lives and live that perfect life through our own doing we will find we never quite get there or worse we will find ourselves on a path to devastation.

Real life is messy and far from perfect.  We can’t expect perfection and we can’t create perfection.  We can only put our trust in the fact that God has ultimate control of our lives.   We must turn over the control to God.  I find great hope that as I let God work through me through God’s plan, the story of my life is becoming better than when I tried to do it on my own.  The story may not be perfect, but it will indeed be beautiful.

God of mercy, hold us in love.

My mom put our Christmas decorations away yesterday and when the last decoration had been put away and the furniture re-arranged, she exclaimed, “There!  I’m all done with Christmas!”

The celebration of Christmas sometimes feels like such a futile extravaganza for something so temporary.  All that preparing and waiting for the one day and then it’s over, just like that.  Presents get opened.  Food gets eaten.  Football games get watched.  Nothing lasts (except the clean up work and the leftovers from dinner that sometime stay too long in the fridge).  The Christmas decorations get put away and unwanted gifts get exchanged, and then it’s like nothing ever happened.

But something did happen: Christ was born about 2,000 years ago.  There’s a lot of talk about failing to celebrate the “true” meaning of Christmas (i.e. Jesus’ birth), but the real failure is that we prepare for the birth but we do not prepare for Jesus the person and the Divinity to come and live among us.  It’s kind of an odd circumstance- Jesus was born into the world, lived on earth, now sits at the right hand of the Father, Jesus’ presence remains on earth, and one day Jesus will return to earth.

In the past month or so I have been acutely aware of how much I want and need Jesus to come again soon.  The world is so incredibly broken and the only thing that will fix it completely is for God to come to earth again.  So, I’ve tried to focus on more than Jesus’ birth.  I’ve set my focus on searching for God’s current presence in the world and on preparing for the day when all will be restored.

But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing that keeps me up at night anymore.  In fact, I’ve had much difficulty having patience and holding onto hope while knowing that so many people suffer each second of every day.       

I have often found peace in Holden Evening Prayer- a beautiful composition of music and litany written by Marty Haugen.  During Wednesday evening worship services during Advent, my church used the Holden Evening Prayer litany and I’ve been holding on to the prayer litany.  I’ve had these prayers and their music in my head for weeks now- I have prayed these words often when I feel the brokenness of the world starting to cover my hope for restoration.  I hope you will find the same peace in this prayer that I have found.

You can listen to Holden Evening Prayer music here: Holden Evening Prayer (feel free to listen to the whole thing but the prayers start at 10:05).

Here’s the prayer litany:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

In peace, in peace, we pray to you:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For peace and salvation, we pray to you:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For peace between nations, for peace between people:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For all who are gathered to worship and praise you:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For all of your servants who live out your gospel:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For all those who govern, that justice might guide them:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For those who labor in service to others:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

Grant weather that nourishes all of creation:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

Keep watch on our loved ones and keep us from danger:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

For all the beloved who rest in your mercy:

God of mercy, hold us in love.

Help us, comfort us, all of our days:

Keep us, hold us, gracious God.

Coming Full Circle

Last night at Feed My Starving Children, during a packing session a mom pulled me aside and pointed out three teenaged girls.  The girls were originally from Haiti and were adopted from a Haitian orphanage a few years ago.  Now they live locally.

The mom was so eager to tell me about her girls and their adoption and as the story went on I discovered why she was so excited to share.  At the orphanage where the girls had lived, they ate food packaged at FMSC.  It’s very probable that those girls would not have survived if it hadn’t been for the food they ate that had been packaged by volunteers in the U.S. and sent to Haiti.

Now the girls love to come and pack food.  They remember eating the food and they remember how much they liked eating it.  They liked eating because it tasted good, but they liked it even more because it was something to eat when many kids in Haiti often have very little to eat.  I didn’t get to have a long conversation with the girls because they were busy packing food and having fun with family and friends, but I could see they were more than happy to be packing food.  

Coming to pack food is a way for these girls to pay things forward- volunteers packed food for them a few years back and now they are packing food for other kids.  It’s the only way they could possibly give thanks for the food they received.  Now they have a chance to help feed kids in Haiti and dozens of other countries around the world- something they probably never thought they’d be able to do.

Every time I walked past their table during the packing session I watched in wonder as those three teen girls packing the food that gave them life in Haiti and is now giving them life in a different way.

The mission of FMSC is “Feeding God’s Starving Children Hungry in Body and Spirit”.  This is what we are about.  This is why we exist. 

These girls were fed in body when they daily ate the food at the orphanage in Haiti.  And now, every time the girls come to pack food at FMSC their spirits are fed.  They have the opportunity to pay it forward, to give thanks for the food and all the opportunities they were given, and to make a difference for kids around the world in a profound way.

It’s not very often that one person fulfills both parts of the FMSC mission, but it’s pretty incredible when it does happen.