My Scholarsip Student

Last fall I made the decision to sponsor a student here in El Salvador through the scholarship program that is organized through the Minnesota church, Family of Christ.  Last summer I learned all about the scholarship program and I was able to go to the celebrations for the 300 o so students who are n the program.  It was so energizing and inspiring to see all the students who are able o go to school beaus of the support they get through the scholarship program.  I saw some of the students meet their sponsors who had come to El Salvador.  The connection they had was so beautiful, I was inspired.  So when I heard they needed more people to sponsor students, I felt called to sponsor a student. 

I requested to get a girl student, but other than that I was surprised when I got the information about the student I was sponsoring.  I got a picture of her, a copy of her report card, and a sheet of basic information about her.  I looked at this stuff and then put it back i the envelope which got literally and figuratively buried in everything else that was going on in my life.  When I was getting ready to come to El Salvador in March, I remembered my scholarship student and thought I might bring her a present.  I wasn´t able to see her, but I left the present with someone who was able to give it to her.

I brought another little gift for my student this trip, but the best part was I was actually able to give it to her myself.  On Sunday we had a little party for the scholarship kids and my student was there.  All the students sat together and I was able to recognize her from the picture I had of her.  At first it was a little awkward chatting with her, but soon we were chatting comfortably.  Her name is Dinora and she is 16 years old.  She is in her first year of high school.  She has 6 brothers and sisters- I got to meet a couple of them who were at the party.  The thing that I enjoyed hearing about mos was what she wants to do in the future.  She wants to go to the national university and study tourism.  It was so wonderful to hear the dreams she has for her future- for many Salvadorans even finishing high school is a dream.  Only because of the scholarship program can Dinora think it´s possible for her to go to college.  Furthermore, I was so happy to hear that she wants to study tourism because El Salvador needs all the help it can get to be more touristy.

Dinora and I didn´t get to chat for very long, but I fell in love with her.  She is such an intelligent, sweet, precious, pleasant young lady.  I really wish I could have spent more time with her, but she had t head home.  We said good-bye and she gave me the biggest hug ever.  We were both pretty close to tears.  She doesn´t have Facebook or email, so it´s going to be hard to keep in touch with her which makes me very sad.   

Sorry for the lack of blogging

We just got back from a wonderful retreat at a beautiful little hotel out in the western mountains of El Salvador.  We all stayed in little cabins surrounded by lush gardens filled with flowers.  It was quiet, the temperature was cool, and it was just a nice break from everything we have been doing.  The group from Family of Christ in Minnesota is getting ready to head back home on Saturday.  During our retreat we all had some time to reflect individually on our experience in El Salvador and then we all shared our reflections with each other during a worship service.  It was a much needed time of rest and reflection for myself, but it was also so wonderful to hear from everyone how El Salvador has changed them.  I was so impressed by the depth and thought of all the reflections.  Some of the high schoolers on the trip can be immature at times, but they all did an incredible job of thinking about and sharing how this trip in El Salvador has changed them and helped them grow in faith.  They are mature beyond their years.

Family of Christ has been keeping a daily blog while they have been here.  You can check out their blog if you want to know what we have been up to and see some great pictures too.  The blog is here.  I´m really sorry that I have been doing such a poor job of blogging.  We have been so busy and the computers here are a pain to use and I´ve just felt really overwhelmed with everything that I want to be writing about.  When I get home I´ll try to do better.

Pastor Matias is in the hospital.  He has been sick for some time with pneumonia.  The oral antibiotics he was taking weren´t helping so they took him into the hospital on Monday night so he could get IV antibiotics and get taken care of.  Please keep him in your prayers.

Pupusas

I love the food in El Salvador.  Basically they try to create as many different ways of serving corn and beans as possible.  The signature food in El Salvador is the pupusa- a think corn or rice tortilla filled with cheese and/or beans and sometimes meat or shrimp.  Pupusas are eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  They are served with a tomato sauce and cortido- a cabbage, carrot, onion, and jalapeno pepper concoction.  I´m pretty sure  could eat pupusas for every meal for at least a week without getting tired of them.

 

We went to a little restaurant last week and they had dessert pupusas on the menu- rice pupusas filled with fruit jelly.  The idea of dessert pupusas sounded amazing to Julie and I and so we started talking about other possibilities for dessert pupusas.  We thought banana and chocolate sounded like the best possibility.  That night back at our friend Marisol´s house we talked about this awesome idea for a new kind of pupusa and Marisol responded with disgust.  In fact, just about every Salvadoran we have talked to about dessert pupusas has reacted with complete disgust and confusion.  But Julie was very persistent and got Marisol to help us make banana and chocolate pupusas.  We used the rice dough and stuffed chocolate and bananas inside and cooked them on the griddle.  The smell of the melting chocolate filled the air an I could hardly wait for them to be ready.  Marisol gave us each one and she watched in shock as we tried them.  They were SO good!!!  Marisol tried a little but wasn´t convinced that it was the best kind of pupusa in the world.  We´ve been trying to convince Salvadorans that dessert pupusas are going to be the next big thing- no one has been convinced, yet.

 

Last night, the whole group had pupusas for dinner.  The wonderful women who take care of us at the Casa Concordia cooked ¨normal¨ pupusas- cheese and cheese with beans.  Julie and I made dessert pupusas- ones with banana and chocolate and ones with marshmallows and chocolate.  We were all in the kitchen together making pupusas and it was so much fun even though most of the fun was making fun of Julie and I.  Salvadorans love to joke and make fun of people.  Some of the things they say and the things they do might be considered rude or mean by our cultural standards, but thy do it out of love (most of the time).  They made fun of us for making dessert pupusas- it´s just so absurd to them.  And they made fun of our pupusa making abilities.  These ladies have been making tortillas and pupusas all their lies.  Their hands know exactly what to do to create a perfect tortilla and beautiful pupusas.  The tortillas and pupusas I make are often bizarrely shaped- far from the perfect circles they should be.  Our pupusas were judged and the women laughed at our efforts.  Despite being judged and made fun of and laughed at I thoroughly enjoyed making pupusas last night.  I jut love being with those incredible women- they know how to enjoy life, how to find joy in the little things, how to live a life full of love (even if their love isn´t always shown in the way I usually think about showing love).

 

Most of the Salvadorans tried the dessert pupusas, but they still think it is too weird- some of them might have enjoyed them, but not enough to admit that they liked them.

Two weeks here, two weeks left

I can´t believe how fast time has passed here in El Salvador. I feel like I haven´t had a chance to breathe since I got here. I have been here for two weeks, but it seems like I could have been here for a year. I have experienced pretty much every emotion and feeling possible and we have traveled all over the county.  The next two weeks will surely present plenty more adventures.

This morning I went to the zoo. The zoo is a pretty nice zoo complete with islands for the monkeys. I´m not a huge fan of zoos because I feel badly for the the animals, but this zoo wasn´t too bad. There were a ton of school kids at the zoo and it made me think of the days when I went to the zoo for school.

Today 17 people from 2 different churches in Minnesota arrived. Most of them are from Family of Christ Lutheran Church and three are from another church. They´ll be here for 10 days. It´s been a little chaotic with trying to get all the people and all their luggage from the airport and getting them all settled here at the Casa Concordia. I already know a few people who were also here last summer, and it´s already been wonderful getting to know some of the others. I´m going to be hanging out with them for most of the next 10 days. I´m looking forward to learning more about leading mission trips and learning from the relationship Family of Christ has with pastors and churches in El Salvador.

Apologizing

On Thursday, we went to the little town of El Mozote.  This was the third time I visited this little community up in the mountains of the north eastern part of El Salvador.  In 1981, about 1,000 men, women, and children were massacred in El Mozote by the Salvadoran army.  See my post from last summer about El Mozote for some more details about the community and the massacre there.  

 

Every time I have been to El Mozote it has amazed me just how far away and remote El Mozote is.  It took us about four and a half hours to get there.  I can only imagine how difficult it was for the Salvadoran army to get there 30 years ago when the roads weren´t as good as they are now- they really had to go out of their way to commit that massacre.  It just boggles my mind that people can do such horrific things to other people.

 

While we were at El Mozote we also went to visit the Revolutionary Museum which is another little town pretty close to El Mozote.  The museum tells the history of what led up to the Salvadoran civil war, explains how the guerrilla forces fought during the war, and helps visitors get a better idea of what life was like for the fighters as well as the general population during the war.  At the museum there is a 500 pound bomb that didn´t explode when it was dropped.  There is a sign by the bomb that says it was made in the US.  Our tour guide at the museum, a very nice old man, was telling us about the bomb and pointed out that it was made in the US.  As he was telling us about the bomb, I felt like I really needed to apologize to him for that bomb that my country made and allowed to be dropped.  Thank God that this particular bomb didn´t explode, but there were probably thousands of other bombs like that one that did explode and killed, destroyed, injured, and devastated.  As a citizen of the US, I felt guilty standing there looking at that bomb and thinking about all the other bombs that were dropped during the civil war.  I felt responsible even though I wasn´t even alive when the bomb was dropped.  I wanted to apologize for the fact that my county didn´t do anything to stop the Salvadoran army from massacring thousands of innocent people.  I wanted to apologize because my country made money off the sale of bombs like that one and so many other weapons.  I wanted to apologize for the military training given to Salvadoran army battalions that went on to commit countless human rights violations.  I wanted to apologize to this old man for all that he suffered through- for his personal loss and suffering but also I wanted to apologize for what my country allowed to happen to all the people of El Salvador.

 

But I didn´t apologize to the museum guide.  I was pretty sure that that would have been an awkward conversation and I´m not sure that it would have accomplished anything.  I had no power to change what was already done years ago.  But I keep thinking that maybe I should have apologized for that bomb and everything else.

 

It makes me question a lot of things- Am I even capable of apologizing for something that my country did when I wasn´t even alive?  Isn´t it about time that the US made some sort of an official apology for all the thousands of innocent Salvadorans that were killed during the war with the support of the US? 

 

I have been thinking about my inability to apologize for what happened at El Mozote and all over El Salvador during the civil war.  If I can´t really apologize for my country´s role in this, what else am I unable to apologize for?  And what 20 or 30 years from now will I wish I could apologize for and won´t be to?  For our war in Iraq?  Our war in Afghanistan?  Will I want to apologize to the people of Mexico and Central America for our harmful free trade agreements?  Will I want to apologize to the people of the world for our immigration policy?

 

I can´t can´t change what happened in El Salvador with the support of my country during the 1980s.  But today I do have the ability to influence what my country does.  I by myself cannot stop our country from doing things that harm the most vulnerable around the world, but with my voice along with others who believe we should be acting in ways we don´t have to apologize for, perhaps we can create a world where there is less suffering and more justice.

 

I still feel guilty for that bomb though.  I guess the only thing I can really do is to try to turn that guilt into something productive to prevent things from happening that have to be apologized for.

Chaletanango!

I really wish I could upload some pictures to show you, but for some reason, the computer doesn't want to recognize my camera so I can´t.  We´ve been very busy going all over the country- based on everything I´ve done so far, it´s hard to believe I´ve only been here a week!  I´m pretty behind in blogging about what I´ve been doing- sorry.  Here´s a little bit about last weekend...

Last weekend, I got to go to the northern department of Chaletenango to visit the town where my friend Marisol lives.  I hadn´t been to this part of El Salvador so I was very exctied to go and I was excited to see where Marisol lives.  She is a university student studying at the national university here in the capital city, and she stays at the Casa Concordia (where I´m staying) while school is in session.

It took quite the adventure to get there- a taxi ride, a long bus ride, a walk, and then another bus ride.  Before our final bus ride we stopped at a grocery store to get some food for our stay because there aren´t any good sized stores by her house.  Marisol lives in a very rural mountain town and it is so beautiful!

Marisol's house

The view from the back yard

Marisol's front porch 

Marisol only goes to her house on some weekends and during school vacations because it takes so long to get there.  She hadn´t been there for a month, so things were a little dirty, but she cleaned things right up.  Her house is simple- two main rooms, a little room for her bedroom, a front and back porch.  The two main rooms are where her brothers sleep and also function as the family room, computer room, and kitchen.  She cooks and eats on the back porch area.  They have running water, but sometimes it doesn´t run and sometimes it runs dirty.  They have a shower when the water runs, but they have a non-flushing toilet, but it is the nicest non-flushing toilet I have ever used- squishy toilet seat included.

The nicest non-flushing toilet in the world

I felt like I was at a tucked away jungle resort retreat house- it felt so calm, quiet, and isolated. There were neighbors pretty close by but you could see or hear them through the trees.  After we were at Marisol´s house for a while, we went down to the river to bathe because the water wasn´t running at her house and we were hot, sweaty, and dirty after our journey.  We wore shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops down to the river.  We left our flip flops on the bank of the river and slowly waded into the cool and quickly flowing river.  Eventually I followed Marisol to the far side of the river by swimming through the quick current in the middle of the river.  We got all wet, shampooed our hair, soaped away our dirtiness, and washed our faces.  We stayed in the refreshing water for some time talking about real and mythical water creatures that may or may not have been in the river.

The river is where many people in town bathe and do their laundry- especially before there was running water and when the water doesn´t run.  We eventually got out of the river and went back to Marisol´s house.  We changed into dry clothes and then walked around a little to see the town.  The town is made up of a few dozen house from what I could tell- all set back into the trees of the mountain.

There is a new store in town that sells snacks and some basic food items.  There is a beautiful view of the mountains, valley, and the river from the store.  W bought some chips and Marisol chatted with the owner of the store while we ate.  Th store owner was wanting to hire someone to work at his store and make some pupusas and other simple food to sell.  Marisol told him that I am looking for a job and that I can cook, and so the store owner offered me the job.  So if all else fails with my job search, I can always live at Marisol´s house and work at the little store.  It might actually be very nice working and living in the little mountain town.  Everyone I met there was so very friendly (as pretty much every Salvadoran in).

The little store

The next morning, Sunday, we went to the Lutheran church in town.  It was a very nice service led by a pastor from Germany.  The most exciting part of the worship service was that this was the first time that I have had the opportunity to worship with bats.  I´ve worshiped with dogs, cats, chickens, bugs, and of course people, but never bats.  The bats flew around a little bit, but most hung from the celing or wall.

The church

Look closely- you can see two bats hanging in the middle of the picture

The only not so wonderful part of my stay at Marisol´s house was that a couple of bats had moved in while Marisol was away from her house.  The bats left when we came that afternoon, but they returned at night.  It was good because they ate the mosquitoes, but it was a little bit scary having them fly around while I was sleeping. 

Coffee and Tourism!

My friend Julie Laven who is here with me is blogging about our adventures. Thus far she is doing a much better job at writing about all we are doing, so you may want to check out her blog for some more details about what we are up to. You can check out her blog here.

Today we went to the little town of Jayaque. I had been there last year for a little bit for a celebration and march at the Lutheran church that is there. We went today mostly to see if we could find some coffee farms and learn more about coffee growing. I wanted to start investigating how I could potentially get coffee from farmers here in El Salvador to serve at a coffee shop I want to start back home in the suburbs. We looked in the El Salvador travel book for places that grow coffee and Jayaque seemed to be the best option because it said it had coffee tours and it was the closest of all the places in the book. It took us about an hour and a half to get there (with Cesar driving we got home in less than an hour). We stopped by a little museum and found the most wonderful tour guide, Henry. He is studying tourism at the national university and lives and works in the city of Jayaque. Henry showed us around the little museum and then took us to an old coffee plantation. We went up to the top of the mountain near the town and had some beautiful views! We had lunch at a nice restaurant that is also a coffee plantation. We stopped by an artist place that makes things out of used wood, metal, and cardboard. They had some pretty cool things in there. Then we stopped by a bakery and bought some cupcake things. Henry spent most of the morning and afternoon with us showing us around and explaining things to us. He was so knowledgeable and really understood the concept of tourism. If there are a few more people like Henry in El Salvador, tourism really has a chance to take off. There are so many cool places and things in El Salvador, but you really need someone like Henry who knows about the places and things to show you around.

It´s not coffee season, so nothing much was happening in the way of growing or harvesting coffee, but we did get to see some plantations and got a general idea of what the harvesting process is like. I still have SO much to learn about coffee and coffee growing, but I think I got a really good start today. And I think that Jayaque was the perfect place to go.

Don´t Go Chasing Waterfalls

There´s a song by the musical group TLC about waterfalls. I thought about that song on Friday as we were going to see a waterfall near the town of Suchitoto. I had no idea that going to see the waterfall would be as treacherous as it was. The song by TLC isn´t really about actual waterfalls but in the song they sing ¨Don´t go chasing waterfalls, Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you´re used to.¨

We went down a little path that was rocky but not too bad, then we got to the really dangerous part. The area was tree covered and mostly shady which made the heat a little bit more bearable Then to see the waterfall, we had to climb down some slippery, large, oddly, shaped rocks. Julie was the most worried but I think we were all a little worried about slipping and falling down the rocks to our death. And this was where I thought the TLC song was right, that we shouldn´t go chasing that waterfall, something really cool and incredible and that we didn´t know about and weren´t sure was safe. However, the Salvadorans we were with quite easily climbed down the rocks and then helped us scared and slightly helpless ladies and they reassured us. Although when Julie asked where the closest hospital was, the answer (more than an hour away) was not very reassuring.

This is what we had to climb down!

But we made down to a good place where we could see the waterfall. I was hot, sweaty, stinky, and dirty,but the waterfall was beautiful. The rock formation was unlike anything I had ever seen, and the water cascaded down. We took some pictures and enjoyed the beauty of the waterfall.

And it was then that I thought that maybe th TLC song was wrong. We should go chasing waterfalls, especially when you have people to support you in finding and getting to those waterfalls. If it hadn´t been for the Salvadorans I wouldn´t have even known the waterfall was where it was and without their physical help and their encouragement, I would have stayed at the top where I couldn´t really see the waterfall. Sticking to something you know, something you´re comfortable with won´t get you anywhere in life. Chasing waterfalls on your own can be dangerous, but with the support and help of other people, chasing waterfalls is something we should and must do. I´m going to tryreally hard while I´m in El Salvador and when I get home too, to chase the waterfalls in life, to seek out those things that are amazing, but might be out of my comfort zone.

A Little like home

I made it to El Salvador safe and sound. In Houston, I met up with Julie from Minnesota (this Julie is Julie L.). We hung around the airport for a couple of hours.

I was a little bit worried in Houston that we wouldn´t make it. We got on the plane at the time we were supposed to but then we waited forever. First we had to wait for some people from a delayed connecting flight. Then we had to wait for them to get all the luggage they could legally get on the plane (that´s about the exact words of the pilot). This made me worried for two reasons. One reason being that I was afraid that my checked bag wouldn´t get on the plane and it would get lost forever. The second reason this made me worried was that this mean While we were sitting there in the plane waiting for the passengers and the loading of the luggage, it got VERY hot on the plane. It was about 100 degrees outside in Houston and the plane´s poor little air conditioning system just could´t keep up. Eventually after waiting more than an hour on the plane we taxied for what seemed like miles and the took off. I sat next to Julie L. and a very nice lady, originally from El Salvador, who was going to a wedding. It took quite a while for the plane to cool down, but it eventually got to be a tolerable temperature.

It took forever to get through immigration and customs, but thankfully all our bags had made it onto the plane and they let us leave the airport with no issues. The other Julie (Julie R.) has been in El Salvador a couple of weeks already and was outside the airport waiting for us with a bunch of Salvadorans. We came back to the Lutheran Guest House in San Salvador where I´ll be staying for most of the time I´m here. It has been SO wonderful to see familiar faces and to be genuinely welcomed back. Feels a little like home.

So, what exactly is peace?

I’m not yet finished blogging about my dreams for what I’m going to so with the rest of my life, but I’m going to take a break from that blog series and start a new one.  Most of my blog posts over the next month will be about what I’m doing, experiencing, and thinking in El Salvador, but I wanted to start this new series now and hopefully post at least a couple posts on this series.  (I kind of like the idea of doing different themed series of blog posts- maybe I’ll keep thinking of new series, maybe I’ll even take requests.)

In this blog I’ve been writing about my search for peace, but I realized the other day that I never really defined what exactly I mean by “peace.”  So, I thought I should write a blog post about what I mean by “peace.”  But then I realized that I don’t really know exactly what I mean by “peace.”  Well, I think I know what I mean, but I can’t really explain or express what I mean. 

As the whole idea of coming up with a definition of peace was running around in my mind, I was reading the book Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Prophet, Martyr, Spy by Eric Metaxas.  See my post from yesterday about the book and the man.  

In the book, there is a quote from Bonheoffer about peace which made me think that it would be a good idea to take a look at how other people have defined peace and while doing so I’ll try to put into words what I think I mean by “peace.”

At a conference in 1934, Bonhoeffer gave a speech about the role of the church in working for peace.  Here’s part of that speech:

“There is no way to peace along the way of safety.  For peace must be dared, it is itself the great venture and can never be safe.  Peace is the opposite of security.  To demand guarantees is to want to protect oneself.  Peace means giving oneself completely to God’s commandment, wanting no security, but in faith and obedience laying the destiny of the nations in the hand of Almighty God, not trying to direct it for selfish purposes.  Battles are won, not with weapons, but with God.  They are won when the way leads to the cross.” 

The last words of Bonhoeffer’s speech that night were “What are we waiting for?  The time is late.”

I don’t even really know how to respond to these words from Bonhoeffer- his words are filled with so much truth and would challenge just about anyone.

Here’s what strikes me about Bonhoeffer’s words:

• Peace is something to be dared: working for peace is a risky business that requires surrendering safety and security.  It’s not a given that peace will just happen, peace is something that we must dare to pursue.
• Peace is possible only by giving oneself completely to God’s commandment (I’m not completely sure what commandment Bonhoeffer is referring to here…anyone have any guesses?)
• Peace will never be obtained with weapons or violence.  Only with and through God will true peace ever come about.
• There was a great sense of urgency for Bonhoeffer.  Surely the historical moment of the impending crisis in Germany brought about that sense of urgency, but Bonhoeffer had an incredible grasp of the necessity to work to bring about the Kingdom of God today.  For Bonhoeffer and for us today there is absolutely no reason to wait one second to begin and continue working for peace.  We have already waited far too long.

It’s hard to say if Bonhoeffer had any idea that more than 10 years after speaking these words he would forgo his own safety and security for peace.  In his work for peace, Bonhoeffer didn’t think about his own safety or security, but rather through faith he gave his life and fully obeyed God.  Even though Bonhoeffer was killed in a concentration camp and didn’t really achieve what he set out to do, I would argue that Bonhoeffer did find peace for himself and brought about more peace in the world.  He was completely in tune with God’s will and his journey for peace continually pointed toward and ended at the cross.

The world and situation we live in today is different from the world Bonhoeffer lived in.  However, that’s not to say that we can’t learn a lot from him, his life, and his words.

Bonhoeffer’s words make me ask a few questions of myself in my own search for peace: Am I truly willing to accept that my own safety and security are not the priority when it comes to working for peace?  Can if completely commit myself to God’s commandment and through faith put everything in God’s hands?  How can I move past wanting guarantees of my safety and guarantees that everything will work out how I think it should?  How can I ensure that my search for peace is not for selfish reasons?  What does it mean for me that battles of peace are won when the way leads to the cross?  What am I waiting for?

My new favorite theologian.

This may surprise some of you, it even surprised me a little, but I have a new favorite theologian.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

I’ve known about Bonhoeffer for a few years and I even saw a play about him and read a collection of some of his letters.  I highly respected the man but didn’t know a whole lot about him, his life, and his theology beyond the basic details.  However, I just finished reading a most wonderful book about Bonhoeffer: Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Prophet, Martyr, Spy by Eric Metaxas.  And now I want to read everything ever written by or about Bonhoeffer and he’s my new favorite theologian. 

This book is the perfect combination of biography, history, theology, spirituality, church drama, friendship, love story, and tragedy.  The book is a whopping 542 pages long (not including the notes and index), but it was 542 pages of fascinating and compelling information.  It’s not at all “dry” as many biographies can be.  Eric Metaxas did a great job writing this book, but with a person as interesting, inspiring, and incredible as Bonhoeffer, I think it would have been difficult to write a bad book about Bonhoeffer.

You really should read this book or at least look at the Wikipedia page about Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

But here are some brief words about Bonhoeffer that I know won’t adequately describe the man and his life, but here it goes:

Born in 1906 in Germany, Bonhoeffer knew from a young age that he wanted to study theology.  Bonhoeffer excelled in his studies and was a prolific writer throughout his life.  He became a Lutheran pastor as soon as he was old enough to do so.  He spent time in Spain and London as a pastor to German people living there.  He studied for a year at Union Theological Seminary in New York.  Spent time as a pastor in Germany, led and taught at a seminary that was illegal back in Germany, worked closely with ecumenical leaders from Europe and the US, worked as a spy, and became involved in a conspiracy to kill Adolf Hitler.  Throughout the 1930s, Bonhoeffer actively spoke out against Hitler and the Third Reich.  Furthermore, he encouraged the church to do the same and to stand up for those who did not have a voice under Hitler’s rule- the Jews, the sick, the disabled.  Eventually the Gestapo arrested Bonhoeffer and he spent 18 months in a prison in Berlin and spent the final months of his life imprisoned at concentration camps before he was executed for his involvement with the plots to kill Hitler.         

When things got bad in Germany in the 1930s Bonhoeffer was given the opportunity to live and work in the US where he would be safe, but he decided to return to Germany to be with his people, to work with others to end the atrocities led by Hitler, and to suffer the same fate of many of the Jews that he was trying to save.

Throughout his life, Bonhoeffer was fully in tune with God’s will.  His own safety and well-being meant little to him.  Bonhoeffer’s faith and devotion to God was incredibly strong (although, Bonhoeffer would probably have said that it was God’s devotion and love to him that made Bonhoeffer so strong).  Even while in prison, Bonhoeffer continued his daily Bible reading, prayer, and hymn singing.  He was always a source of comfort and strength for those around him.

I have been searching for a Lutheran leader/theologian to look up to- a Lutheran hero, and Bonhoeffer is definitely what I have been looking for.  Most of the Christian leaders and theologians that I looked up to are Catholic, which certainly isn’t a bad thing, but it’s nice to have someone from my own religious tradition to look to for inspiration and an example of how to live out life as a Christian.  It’s good to have this example of how one Lutheran lived his life and gave his life for community, peace, and justice. 

I’m so excited to read more of Bonhoeffer’s writings.  I think the thing that most impresses me about Bonhoeffer is that he loved the academic side of theology, but I doubt that he ever wrote or said anything about God, religion, or spirituality that he wasn’t fully prepared live out.  For Bonhoeffer, theology and Christianity are things to be acted out not just talked about.  We could really use more people like Bonhoeffer who are willing to be authentic Christians by taking a stand against injustice in the world.  We can all learn so much from people like Bonhoeffer along with so many others who have and continue to stand up to say that justice must prevail.   

I'm going to El Salvador (again!).

I think most of you know by now that I’m heading off to El Salvador.  I’m leaving Thursday and I’ll be gone for 4 weeks.  My friend Julie is already down there and she and I will go home together on August 3^rd.  I’ll meet another friend named Julie on my layover in Houston and we’ll fly to El Salvador together.  Then a few days after I get there another friend, Kira, will join us.  Then the four of us ladies will have about a week to get into trouble before a group from Julie and Kira’s church in Minnesota comes to El Salvador for 10 days.  So that’s who I’ll be hanging out with in addition to all the wonderful Salvadorans.  My trip this summer will be similar to my trip last summer.  I’ll visit church communities, spend time with some pastors, check out cultural and historical sites, eat pupusas, learn from the best mission trip leaders, practice my Spanish, and experience Salvadoran life.   

It took me forever to decide if I was going to go to El Salvador this summer.  It was my intention to bring a group of people from my church down to El Salvador this summer, but unfortunately there weren’t enough people who could or wanted to go on the trip to make it worth it.  This was a huge disappointment for me.    

Once I finally accepted that there wasn’t going to be a group of people from my church going with to El Salvador, I started to question if I should even go at all.  I won’t disclose all the issues that were a part of and a hindrance to my decision-making because I don’t want to bore you and because it still makes my brain hurt to think about it all.  I went back and forth about 37 million times in my head about if I should go or not.  I wrote down a list of “pros and cons” of going to El Salvador.  I prayed about it.  I journaled about it.  I tried pretending for a few hours that I was going to El Salvador to see how I felt and then I would pretend for a few hours that I wasn’t going to El Salvador to see if that felt “right.”  Then I went back and forth in my mind about 24 million more times. 

The decision-making-process was made more difficult because it was getting closer and closer to the day that I would leave if I was going to go.  I was under the pressure of knowing that I had to buy my plane ticket and do all the little things to get ready to go.  It came to be three weeks before the day I would leave and I still hadn’t made a decision.  At this point I was looking for help making the decision wherever I could find the help- I was really hoping for a clear, loud voice from Heaven.  But that didn’t happen (wouldn’t life be easier and much more exciting if God spoke to us like he spoke to Moses?  At least we would know exactly what God wanted us to do even if doing it was still incredibly difficult.).  What did happen was this: I was in the car driving around and listening to my favorite Christian radio station.  In between a couple of songs, the radio show hosts started talking about following God and going where God is.  They talked about trusting in God and going where God leads you- to follow God down the path and on the journey God leads you on.   

So, I thought about where God was leading me and about my path, especially as it related to going to El Salvador.  Where had God led me before?  Where and when do I feel God most present?  Is El Salvador a part of my journey with God?  Where is God and where is God calling me to be?

The place where I have seen, heard, and felt God most clearly has been in El Salvador.  I know that God is present everywhere, but I have felt and experienced God’s presence in El Salvador in a way that I have rarely experienced God at home.  It is so incredibly obvious to me that God is present in and among the Salvadoran people.  I thought about the incredible work God is doing in El Salvador.  At that moment it was clear that God was leading me to El Salvador.   

And then I knew.  I knew I had to go to El Salvador this summer.

It was such an agonizing decision-making process, but once I finally made the decision to go to El Salvador I felt immediate relief.  I felt a great sense of calm and consolation- a sense of peace.  I’m not sure if this sense of peace was because I didn’t have to worry about making the decision anymore or because I had made the right decision- perhaps both.

Going to El Salvador has become almost routine for me now- this will be the fourth time that I’m going.  It doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore.  I’ve got a highly refined packing list.  I have the comfort of knowing where I’m staying and with whom I’ll be staying.  I have a pretty good idea of what the “average” day is like in El Salvador (but really there isn’t any such thing as an “average” day in El Salvador- I guess what I mean is I have a pretty good idea of what to expect while expecting the unexpected).  I know I’ll be taken care of by some very wonderful Salvadorans.  I’m not sure if this sense of “routineness” about going to El Salvador is a good thing or a bad thing.

Despite the tough decision making process, I am so very excited to be going to El Salvador.  And I’m even more excited about sharing my experiences with all of my blog readers.  I’ll try my best to post here on my blog with some regularity- every 2 or 3 days or so- but no promises.