Estoy Aquí

There are these billboards all around San Salvador that I saw almost every day while I was there.  It’s a message from God: “Estoy aquí.”  I’m here.  On the bottom of the billboard it says “God is everywhere.  Talk to him.” and “God is looking for you.  Let him find you.”  I really like these billboards- they are comforting and challenging at the same time.  It made me think about God and my relationship with God, but more specifically it made me think about my spirituality in El Salvador.

Here's one of the billboards- sorry about the tree that jumped into my picture

Estoy aquí

It is reassuring to know that God is here, God is everywhere.  This is something that I need to be reminded about all the time.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment, to think only about what is physically evident, to think only about myself and my problems.  But specifically it’s so nice to be reminded that God is indeed in El Salvador.  Some might say that God is not there- with all the poverty, hunger, violence, and death- that God could not possibly be present in such a horrible place.  Surely God would do something to make El Salvador better if God was there or surely God would not want to exist in such a horrible place.  But in reality, God is so very present in El Salvador.  I have written about this before and I still find it so striking and wonderful that I can find God so easily in El Salvador.  God is present in El Salvador- he is present in the poverty, hunger, violence, and death.  God suffers with the Salvadorans.  God has not nor will God ever forsake or give up on the Salvadorans.  And the Salvadorans know this.  It’s just about the only thing they can depend on and put their trust in.  God is one of the few things Salvadorans can find comfort in.

God is looking for you

I love this.  It is true.  But it is difficult to comprehend and accept.  Why would God be looking for me?  What have I don’t to merit God’s attention (especially God’s positive attention)?  How could God possibly seek me out among the 6 billion other people in the world?  Why would God spend time thinking about me and make an effort to seek me out?  I feel so unworthy and yet this is exactly the point.  I am completely unworthy of the attention and love that God shows to me, and yet God seeks me out anyways because God loves me.  God’s grace is stronger than any of us could imagine and so God seeks me out and God seeks out you and every single other person.  It doesn’t really make sense but that’s the way it is.

Let him find you

This may be my favorite part of these billboards.  But it is also the part that is most challenging.  It might seem that it is an easy thing, a passive thing to do, but in my mind letting God find me is something active and very difficult.

Playing hide-and-seek with little kids can be fun, but when the kids are really little you can’t play the game as you would with older kids.  When you are seeking you have to pretend for a little while that you can’t find the kids even though you can clearly see a large part of their body and you can hear them giggling or laughing.  And when it’s your turn to hide, you have to let them find you.  This might mean hiding in an obvious place or where they can see part of you.  You can also make noises if this first tactic doesn’t work. 

Letting God find you is a little like this.  It might seem easier to hide where the kids can’t find you and then you can just sit in the hiding place all day and you don’t have to deal with the antics of the kids.  Likewise it might seem easier to “hide” where we think God won’t find us.  But in reality this would be futile because God had much better seeking abilities than a 4 year old.  It would be futile, but more importantly “hiding” from God would be denying myself so much- love, forgiveness, grace, truth, and peace.

Talk to Him.

I guess it all comes down to this then.  All the other parts of the billboard- God is here, God is looking for you, and let God find you- depend on talking with God.  It depends on having the conversations and the relationship with God.  Understanding that God is present would not be possible without listening and hearing God speaking in my life.  If I didn’t talk and listen to God I wouldn’t realize that God so actively seeks me out.  And if I didn’t talk with God I wouldn’t be able to let God know that I was going to let him find me.