Reevaluating

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing some reevaluating.  I’ve been reevaluating and trying to make sure that I’m still heading where I should be heading in life.  During my two years in graduate school at Loyola I was blessed with the time and many opportunities to discern my purpose and calling in life.  At the time it seemed difficult to figure out what my calling is, but now I see that this was the easy part.  The difficult part is to actually live out this calling, my mission statement, and to constantly reevaluate if I am properly following that calling or if I need to even refigure my mission statement.

Here’s what I understand my calling to be: To educate people about injustice in the world and then to encourage, empower, and enable people to actually DO something to address that injustice.

A couple of things made me see the need to reevaluate things.

First thing: A friend of mine is quitting her job and traveling to the other side of the world for a couple of months.  She is going on this trip for herself, to try to find what it is that God has called her to do, and to be the person she is meant to be without all the pressures and expectations of others.  I am so incredibly excited for my friend and the adventures and experiences she will have (even though I am going to miss her a whole lot).  I really admire her courage to quit her job, leave her family for a couple of months, and take the time and space she needs.

My friend knows her current job is not what God has called her to do for the rest of her life and so she is taking a step of faith to hopefully find her calling.  I pray that she will gain some insight and answers while she is on this trip, but even if she doesn’t figure it all out on her trip, I know she is going to stop at nothing to live out a life of purpose and a life of serving others according to God’s will. 

My friend refused to become complacent and she refused to just go along and work at a job that she knows is not what God intended for her long-term.  My friend’s courage and refusal to become complacent was a bit of a reminder to me that I need to make sure that I’m heading in the right direction in life.  I don’t think I need to go to the other side of the world to do some reevaluation (I’m sure my mom is pretty happy about this), but I nevertheless do need to evaluate.

The second thing that made me see the need to reevaluate where I’m heading in life is starting my new job as the communications coordinator at my church.  Just having a second job has made life more complex, busy, and tiring.  I am incredibly grateful that I was offered this position, and things are going quite well so far.  It’s been great working with the staff, learning new things, and seeing some exciting new things fall into place.  But I know this is not a job I want to have for the rest of my life.  (And now I feel really bad about wondering how long I should stay with a job that I have just started, especially when there are so many people out there who are in need of a job.)  I am becoming more and more invested in this job, I’m finding parts of this job that really make me excited, and I’m seeing just how vital my work is for the proper functioning of the church.

Likewise, I know that I’m not called to be a Team Leader at Feed My Starving Children for the rest of my life.  Let me say this though: I LOVE my job at Feed My Starving Children.  I love my coworkers, I love working with the volunteers, and I love that I get to be a part of feeding hundreds of thousands of starving children around the world.  Through my job I know I am fulfilling part of my calling.

Here’s my fear though: I worry that I will get so caught up in what I love and am comfortable doing at these jobs, that I will stay too long, that I will put off living out my full calling.  And so I have questioned…How long is too long to be doing something that you know is not what you are called to do long-term?  How long can I work at a job that I’ve become comfortable with simply because I fear what God calls me to next?  Have I made the right decisions?  Shouldn’t I be seeking out other more “practical” opportunities like a full-time job with benefits?  Shouldn’t I keep looking for a job that will allow me to better live out my calling?  Is it a bad sign that I have to justify all this to myself and to others?

So over the past few weeks, I’ve done some thinking and praying (a lot of praying actually). 

And here’s what I know:  At this point I can’t stand the thought of leaving Feed My Starving Children.  I enjoy my job, I find it fulfilling, and for the time being I think this is where God has called me to be.  Likewise, I can’t see myself leaving the communications post at my church any time soon.

For right now, I am where I’m called to be and I’m doing what I’m called to be doing. 

Through all this, God is working.  God is preparing me, forming me, training me, strengthening me, and teaching me…for what exactly I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s something great.

Sharing a blog post

My jobs are going quite well.  They are keeping me quite busy (which is why I haven't been blogging much lately), but life is good.  Really good actually.

I have been slowly making some progress on writing on some blog posts, but they still aren't ready to be published...getting close though.  

But in the meantime I do want to share a blog post written by a coworker at Feed My Starving Children.  FMSC started a blog a couple of weeks ago and the latest post is excellent.  In fact, it's more than excellent- it's filled with deep truth and some incredible insight.  So read it here: The Whole World is Your Family.

I got a new job!

I got a new job!  Yes, I’ll still be working at Feed My Starving Children.  So, I now have two part time jobs (which is a situation I’m sure will present challenges and joys).

I was offered a part-time position as the communications coordinator at my church, and I’m happy to say that I accepted the position.  I’m going to be working with the church website, social media, newsletters, and a bunch of other random things.  Basically if there’s something at my church that needs to be communicated to the congregation or to the community, it’s my job to make that happen in an efficient and effective way.  I’ll probably be working at this job about 15 to 20 hours a week. 

Here’s what makes me excited about this new job:

• I get to work at a church I love
• I get to work for an organization whose mission and vision I firmly believe in
• I get to work with the incredible staff of Our Savior
• I get to interact and work with some pretty cool congregation members
• My commute is about 4 minutes by car or about 10 minutes by bike (but it might be a couple of months before I can bike again…)
• I get an office!
• I get to be challenged to learn and do new things

SOPA and PIPA and Priorities

If you haven’t heard about SOPA and PIPA you’ve been living in a hole (and I may just join you there).  These are two bills before congress that aim to stop piracy on the internet, but many have argued that these bills won’t work, they will be bad for companies online, and the bills will enable the US government to block certain websites using methods similar to the way China censors the internet.

Lawyers, online companies, and some big names are speaking out against SOPA and PIPA.  People are posting all over Facebook and Twitter.  There are videos on YouTube.  Wikipedia shut down for a day (!) and other big websites have protested in their own way.  People are encouraging others to sign petitions and contact their lawmakers in Congress.  There are commercials on TV.  Some people are getting pretty upset.

But I have to question just how important this is in the grand scheme of things and I really have to question all the attention and huge deal this has so quickly become.  Don’t get me wrong- this is important and the internet is an important thing.  I am not a fan of piracy and I am not a fan of censorship. 

But is potential censorship of the internet really as big of a problem as 18,000 children dying each and every day because they don’t have enough to eat?  Is potential censorship of the internet really more important than the one BILLION people around the world who don’t have access to clean water or the two BILLION people around the world who don’t have access to proper sanitation?  Is internet censorship more important than the 27 million people in the world who are victims of modern day slavery?  Should we really be more concerned about internet censorship than about the hundreds or thousands of people in our own communities who are homeless or hungry?  Should we really be spending our time being so concerned about the internet when millions of people around the world die of preventable diseases like malaria?

I think we need to reevaluate our priorities.

If we need to get so upset about internet censorship, then we also need to get upset about human trafficking, homelessness, hunger, starvation, preventable diseases, and access to clean water and sanitation.

Can you imagine what would happen if millions of people gave as much attention, time, energy, and resources to addressing these other world issues as have been given to SOPA and PIPA?!?  Can you imagine what would happen if people got as excited and passionate about ending world poverty as they have about preventing internet censorship?  Just think what would happen if as many people contacted their lawmakers about ending homelessness as contacted their lawmakers about SOPA and PIPA.

Just something to think about…

It's been too long...

This is a blog post to let you know that I going to be posting new blog posts.  My mom kindly reminded me last night that it has been a while since I have posted here, and she’s right (as she almost always is).  I have been slacking off with posting on my blog.  I apologize to my readers (I’m sure you’ve just been sitting around waiting for me to post), but more importantly I’d like to apologize to myself.  In the midst of being busy with work and church and other things, blogging has found it’s way to the bottom of the to-do list.  There are a lot of exciting things happening around me that I get to be a part of, but I’ve been feeling torn in a bunch of different directions lately.  I haven’t had much time to stop and reflect and write about all those exciting things.  I love and need to reflect on my world through writing and blogging- and I haven’t done that enough lately.  For me, writing is like prayer: it’s even more important to make time for it when I’m really busy.    

The good news is I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything special this afternoon, so I now have the opportunity to sit here, watch the snow fall, and write.  And that’s what I’m going to do!

On Being Impatient

The Christmas season brings a lot of waiting…waiting for the Christmas cookies to be done baking, waiting to open all the Christmas presents under the tree, waiting for the first big snowfall, waiting for Christmas vacation to start, waiting for the party guests to arrive, waiting for the big football game to start (and/or waiting for it to end), waiting to eat all the delicious food and the leftovers.

When I was a kid the anticipation of Christmas morning was often more than I could handle.  I remember one Christmas morning when the waiting was especially agonizing.  I remember waking up early and then having to wait and wait for my parents to wake up, go down stairs, and make sure everything was all set before my sister and I could go down and see what Santa had brought us.  My sister and I sat at the top of the stairs calling downstairs to my mom and dad to see if we could come down.  Time went by SO slowly.  Didn’t they understand that I wanted to open those presents?!?  Didn’t they know I had been waiting for weeks to see what Santa brought?!?  How could they make me wait one more minute to enjoy playing with all my new toys???

Then finally my parents called my sister and I, and we rushed down the stairs and went right to the Christmas tree. “Santa” left us a generous pile of toys to unwrap and play with.  And we began examining and opening all the presents.  There was no disappointment.  In fact, I received far more than I had asked for, I unwrapped much more than I expected.  Once all the presents were unwrapped I spent hours playing with those toys.  And the joy didn’t end that day.

It has been many years since I had such excitement for Christmas morning (in fact my parents are so much more eager than I am to open presents this morning), but my Christmas seasons still require a lot of waiting.  We do a lot of things to celebrate Christmas and a lot of those things require waiting, but the Christmas season, Advent, is really all about waiting and preparing for Jesus’ birth.  Advent also reminds me about that better world that we are waiting for, the world of justice and peace that will be when the Reign of God is present on earth.

Lately I’ve become very impatient and frustrated with waiting, specifically I’ve become frustrated with waiting for Jesus to return and establish a world of justice.   I mean, seriously, what is God waiting for?  God can do anything God wants to.  Why do we have to be stuck in this far less than perfect world for so long???

I’m tired of waiting for a world where 18,000 children don’t die everyday from hunger.  I’m tired of waiting for a world where one in four children in the US won’t live in poverty.  I’m tired of waiting for a world where everyone has access to the basics: food, water, sanitation, health care, education, and shelter.  I’m tired of waiting for a world where peace is the norm and war is a concept we only vaguely remember.  I’m tired of waiting for a world where people don’t destroy and overuse the natural resources.  I tired of seeing people and organizations working so hard to make a difference and bring about a better world while change comes so slowly if at all.

But there is so much that I don’t understand, so much that I cannot comprehend.

It’s kind of like that Christmas morning many years ago.  I didn’t understand why I had to wait; I couldn’t comprehend why something so seemingly simple could require so much time to get ready (did Santa leave a mess or WHAT?).  I still don’t know what my parents were doing down stairs to prepare for my sister and I to come down and open presents.  But my parents knew what they were doing.  And when the waiting was finally over, there was only joy and celebration.  Likewise, my human brain cannot understand why God doesn’t just establish the Reign of God on earth right now, but someday in the future there will be joy and celebration many times greater than any Christmas morning.

But that doesn’t make the waiting any easier to bear.

Here’s where Christmas can help.  The martyred archbishop of El Salvador, Oscar Romero, had this to say on Christmas day in 1977:

“With Christ, God has injected himself into history. With the birth of Christ, God’s reign is now inaugurated in human time. On this night, as every year for twenty centuries, we recall that God’s reign is now in this world and that Christ has inaugurated the fullness of time. His birth attests that God is now marching with us in history, that we do not go alone.

Humans long for peace, for justice, for a reign of divine law, for something holy, for what is far from earth’s realities. We can have such a hope, not because we ourselves are able to construct the realm of happiness that God’s holy words proclaim, but because the builder of a reign of justice, of love, and of peace is already in the midst of us.”

The Reign of God isn’t here yet, but it is.  The yearly celebration of Jesus’ birth reminds us that God once lived among us in human form and God continues to be present in each and every person.  God is waiting along with us, God understands the agony of our waiting, and so I must trust that God has a plan much greater than any plan I could ever understand.

And so I wait and watch and work.

Organized Chaos (i.e. my job)

I've been working at lot lately at Feed My Starving Children.  I've been able to pick up a lot of extra hours over the past couple of months which has been a blessing in a number of ways.  After working there for a little more than three months, I feel really good and comfortable with doing everything that is part of my position.  In my extra hours I have learned to do some extra things and I've learned more about the internal workings of FMSC.

Since I first started working at FMSC, it has been much more than just a job.  It has been a welcome source of income, but more than that it has been a way for me to live out my calling while helping to feed thousands of starving children around the world and helping thousands of volunteers make a significant difference in the world.  I have grown in a number of ways by working at FMSC, but perhaps the greatest way I have grown is in my ability to deal with organized chaos.  There are a number of factors that contribute to the organized chaos at my job- there's always something that threatens disorganize the organized chaos: extra large groups, young groups, old groups, volunteers with different abilities, loud volunteers, issues with the ingredients, overflowing toilets, a shortage of staff, and a variety of other situations.  But I love it.  I love not knowing what to expect.  I love being surprised.  I love trying to figure out how to keep things under control and running smoothly all while packing food to keep children alive around the world.    

Sure my job has presented some challenges- times and situations that have tested my patience and my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength.  

But through it all and perhaps because of these challenges I love my job…

...even at 7:00 am

...even at 10:00 pm

...even after working for 12 hours

...even when mopping, vacuuming, sweeping, doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, taking out the garbage, and doing laundry

...even when there are too many or not enough volunteers

...even when there's 50 million things to do (and this is pretty much all the time)

...even when I’m sweaty, hot, and half covered in chicken flavored powder

...even when the toilet overflows…twice in one night

Along with those challenges are the many joys- the little and big things that keep me going and inspire me. 

I love my job...
...especially when kids say things with wisdom far beyond their years
...especially when a volunteer says a moving prayer over the food they have packed
...especially when volunteers make generous donations
...especially when there are really cute little kids volunteering
...especially when I see volunteers who are so excited to come volunteer
...especially when we get to pray over a shipment of food before it leaves our warehouse
...especially when working with all my amazing, adept, and passionate co-workers
...especially when volunteers bring humor, fun, and enthusiasm with them
...especially when I have underestimated what is possible and God proves me wrong (yet again)
...especially after a volunteer session when we pack a lot of boxes of food
...especially when a volunteer takes the time to thank me or tells me that they had a great experience
...especially when I see that volunteers understand the injustice of hunger and are motivated to do something about it
...especially when I clearly see God’s hand working through the volunteers and staff
...especially when I see volunteers come in day after day to give of their time, energy, and resources to feed starving children